A Perfectly Imperfect Union: Reflecting on America 250 with Madhavi Parikh

The Whole Again Podcast: Mindfulness and Resilience through Kinstugi Wisdom airs every Monday, Wednesday and Friday with Pause Breathe Reflect Microdose Meditations, Growth Mindset and Mindfulness Tips, to help us transform our scars into healing and resilience.

And between May and October, I'm sharing a new series I'm calling: A Perfectly Imperfect Union. It's about connecting with every day folks as they reflect on America at 250. Conversations will air every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.

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In the latest episode of A Perfectly Imperfect Union, I travel to the Tar Heel State to speak with Madhavi Parikh.

She left India in 1988 for an arranged marriage and built a life and a career around helping people heal.

We talk about assimilating into the Bible Belt as a new immigrant, why she believes people who lash out are usually offloading their own pain, and the day she realized she was turning into the kind of parent she never wanted to be.

That moment led her to meditation, and years later she landed on the insight that changed how she saw herself: the word hole is literally part of the word whole. Real kindness, she says, starts with accepting our own fractured pieces before we can extend it to anyone else.

You can connect with her on LinkedIn.

And her question for you and our next guest is:

What do you do to spread or increase kindness in the world?

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Hey there. It's Michael. Welcome to Whole Again, the show that's here in support of you creating a meaningful life and the person you're becoming. And I'm excited to share a new series with you that will air this summer as America turns 250 years old, which is still pretty young relative to many other countries across this big blue marble that we all share.

The series is called A Perfectly Imperfect Union. In 2022, I rode my bike across America from Astoria, Oregon, to the Lincoln Memorial. My wife drove our RV, and she had two co-pilots, Jester and Hope, two springer spaniels And when we did it, America was coming out of the pandemic and we were hurting.

Hurting from things that had happened prior to the pandemic, of course, going through what we all went through. And at that time, and this is something I still believe today, is that we were entering an inflection point. An inflection point for us to hopefully pause, breathe, and reflect on who we wish to become as individuals, as communities, and as a country.

As I pedaled across America, I wanted to share America's beauty with others, her natural beauty and the beauty of her people. And I also wanted to share where we were hurting As America turns 250, I believe Kintsugi, which is something we use as a metaphor here at Whole Again, is a perfect metaphor for where we are as a country.

There's so much beauty to celebrate, and we can also acknowledge that parts of us feel broken or are broken. But we can find a way to come back together, just like Kintsugi teaches us. And when we do, we don't try to erase or cover up where we have scars or blemishes. We highlight them in gold, and we celebrate them as symbols of our strength and resilience.

Kintsugi is called the golden repair, and in essence, we can see beauty in something that's perfectly imperfect. During this series, I plan to speak to at least two people in each state and the District of Columbia, so 102 conversations with real folk, as I like to say. We're gonna let the celebrities and the big influencers have their day somewhere else, but here I wanna reach out and talk to real people and listen to their reflections as they think about America turning 250 years old.

And my hope is, is that you'll tune in to at least one, if not all 102, 'cause my theory going into this is that you'll hear different perspectives. Some may be aligned with yours, others may not. But my hope is that you hear the goodness in your fellow citizens and realize, as Maya Angelou shared with us, "We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike."

We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. I've had the privilege of traveling all over the world and all over this country, and this belief is something that I hold deep inside of me. So yes, I do believe that we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. So if you're ready to get to know one of your perfectly imperfect neighbors, like all of us, take a healthy breath in and a slow releasing breath out and get to know Madhvi Parekh.

Madhavi, hi. So great that you decided to join me here on A Perfectly Imperfect Union. How are you doing today? 

I am well, and thank you for having me, Michael, on this podcast of yours, which I love the name, Imperfectly Perfect Union. 

Yes. Yes. I just so love, uh, what you're, your ripple effect that you're putting into the world and the care that you're providing to others.

So when I was introduced, uh, to you by Tiffany, who was a previous guest in our series, I just knew we had to connect, so I just, again, love the fact that you are here in support of those going through their cancer battle and just overall health and wellness. So I've been able to learn a little bit more about you, but for those that don't know you, can you take a moment to introduce yourself?

And also, where ... What state do you live in, in this wonderful country of ours? 

Yes. So I am Madhavi Parikh, and I live in Charlotte, North Carolina. I came to the United States in 1988 to get married, one of the typical Indian marriage stories where it was arranged, and have been here since, uh, since 1988. Uh In the same city, pretty much in the same area.

And I am, uh, many things like many people. So right now I am more of an entrepreneur and a phys- as a physician assistant, physician associate, and I offer clinical coaching to people on the cancer journey, helping them bridge gaps between the many treatments that they may want to consider just b- with the diagnosis, combining Eastern, Western modalities, all of that put together.

But taking into account the whole body, the mind, body, spirit, family, community, environment, everything that sort of makes up who we are. And that part has been the mind, body, spirit, family, community, environment has been my, uh, my force. It has been my, um, way of navigating in this new country early on and now staying in it and making it my own.

So I am also a mother, I'm also a wife, I'm also myself to me, which is very, very important, and then of course friend and community member and all of that put together. 

Oh, that's so good. And I just love that approach, the mind, body, spirit. You know, part of my recovery was based on some of the Eastern modalities, along with some, obviously some Western medicine.

So I love the fact that you're bringing that to, to the people of North Carolina and, uh, uh, beyond that you're, you're helping. And yeah, we do live complex lives. We are many, we are many things. I- as an, as a country, we are also many things. So one question I've been curious about and I've been asking folks is, if you gathered around the table with your friends and maybe family, and they asked you what America means to you, uh, how would you respond?

The answer would depend upon what is happening or when you had asked me that question. So right now- Okay. That's fair ... America is... Because what it was even 30 years ago when I first moved here and what my understanding of America was at that time is very different now that I am-- I have been here for almost 40 years.

Um, so right now America to me- still has the optimism that it carried, uh, for many of us outside of the country. Uh, you know, it was a place where there were a lot of opportunities where, uh, if you were willing to put in the hard work or-- and do the-- do your share, own up to whatever it is that you were doing, you had a lot of, uh, chances of coming up.

But right now, I also feel the division and the, the, the unkindness with which we s- uh, speak and behave with, with each other. That to me is like an undercurrent that I feel sometimes, um That is dividing us. And I, and I have felt it personally. I have experienced it personally. And it's also that we are not kind to each other.

And at the same time, there is always a place of being honest and transparent, uh, in whatever we do. And that is what I like about America, that there is a place for honesty and transparency to succeed. 

Hmm. I like that. I, I also acknowledge what you shared upfront in your answer, just how we have, have changed, you know, and for probably for a variety of different reasons.

And, you know, like this country has so many stories as it relates to America or this land. You know, we all-- our families all have, you know, either, uh, you know, some people were forced here, uh, through slavery. Uh, some people were, uh, part of this land well before it was known as America. And then there's a ton of immigration stories.

So as you mentioned, you, you came here, uh, almost f-forty years ago. It probably doesn't seem that long ago. But what-- I was, uh-- I'm curious, what, what did you know of America before you came, came over? 

One, that it was a land of opportunity. Some people in India described it as, uh, a heaven, meaning that there was so much affluence in so many different ways in terms of nature, in terms of wealth, like monetary wealth, you know, in terms of education.

All of that was e-easily available to anyone and everyone. So it was also, I think, thought of as a land of equality and being equitable for all, provided you had the champ-- like, provided you were willing to put in the work. So in India, it is, uh, you know, because the culture is completely different, um, life flows in a certain way.

But here, I could come here and, uh, get an education well into my thirties and become a PA after I became a mom and make myself successful and fulfilled in that aspect of m-my life as much as I could do it in my personal life. So the space and room for growth because of the many resources that America has to offer is what is, is what I understood of America back home.

Yeah. I hear you on that. So I, I know in my travels too, as I speak to folks, uh, in different countries across this big blue marble that we all share. Uh, back in the day, they would also sort of share what you shared, uh, like a land of opportunity and, uh, the glitz and glam of America and the wealth and Hollywood and pop culture and, and all that.

You know, people were eager, eager to visit and to come. Uh, what was it like to assimilate into the culture? You know, y- coming from India and then landing in North Carolina and, you know, obviously sh- the Charlotte area was quite different back then than it is today, but how was that assimilation process for you?

So as an Indian, uh, most of us come knowing somebody or the other or more or many more, not just one person, uh, in the United States. The, the community is quite tight-knit, so I wasn't alone. I came here to get married, so I knew my husband, but I met him through, uh, a boarding school friend, uh, who had introduced us.

So I had her as a friend. And then when I started working, I was taken in by my colleagues, uh, and I learned from them as well. So at home I had a, a very ... I had a place to be grounded. And then I went, when I went to work, I also had kindness and acceptance by the people from work. So even though it was a little lonely, it wasn't difficult.

We always feel things are difficult when we are lonely or new or it's, you know, it's an unfamiliar surrounding. But in hindsight, I think I had it, um, I had it made. So it was nice. And but assimilating into the Southeast, uh, but Charlotte was very much a part of the Bible Belt at that time. So assimilating into that culture and understanding the differences there was w- w- was interesting.

It, that's the word we like to use in the South- ... when we don't understand something. Yeah. Okay. So- Yeah ... and then b- uh, getting and, and understanding the church culture was also another, uh, lesson because as my children were growing up, everybody was a part, you know, w- whether the, if you were involved in sports or any kinds of activities, the children were always, it was always a church community, and being an outsider there was, was also interesting.

Yeah. I love the use of the word interesting. I think that is so, it's so great. So I know current day we, there is a divisiveness in our culture. It feels like everyone's on either one side or the other, uh, on a whole host of different things. But are there moments where you feel connected? to your fellow neighbor, if you will, even if you might not share the same worldview or you might have a disagreement about something?

Absolutely. There's no doubt about it. Uh, one of the things I knew growing up was that I was going to come to America and I didn't know how. And then when I came to America and people, you know, within the Indian community, people, we still miss our country. They reminisce about India or their childhood days and such, and I always said that I am American.

So I could connect with people at work, uh, people who came to, you know, all the services that are provided if you have a house or, uh, you know, where- I don't know, in so many different ways or even being a customer in a, in a store. I was able to, I, I still am, I think, able to connect with everyone, find a place of, uh, of commonality.

Just, you know, give a smile, say hello, um, ask how their day is going and you alway- most of the time you get kindness in return. So Uh, I have never felt not connected unless somebody is so angry within themselves that they make it a diff- uh, a thing about differences that I should go back to the country where I came from or, um, you know, I don't know.

I- my skin color is different. Like, I used to be told that I have a beautiful tan, uh- ... which was, um... That doesn't happen anymore, but in the early '90s it did. Um, but you take it with a smile and you say, "Yes, it is natural," and m- you know, then the difference is not as much. 

Yes. Uh, that is a, um, as our theme here in our conversation, a very interesting comment by that person who said that to you.

So- Yes. So yeah, I... But I, but I, I love your take on, like, if someone is sort of spewing, um, uh, maybe a, a racist comment or a hurtful comment, that it's, it's probably a indication that they're hurting w- inside of them, and they're sort of, uh, offloading their pain to other people. 

Correct. And who am I to judge- Yeah

what I don't know about that person? 

Sure. So- Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. 

Right? So- 

Yeah ... 

let, let them be, and if there's a place for conversation, then over time you allow that to happen and we educate each other. 

Yeah, we start somewhere, and then maybe it's a small thing that we can agree on, and from there we can start to build some trust and some, some u- understanding.

So for, for the series, I'm using the Kintsugi art form, uh, from Japan as a metaphor, believing that e- even if we break, we can come back together and we can highlight our scars as symbols of our strength and resilience. So i- if you could pick one thing that could help us come together and heal and potentially grow from going forward, what would it be in that Kintsugi spirit?

Finding kindness within the self. So that it can be extended outward. Um, because I think, uh, and I speak from experience because it's easy to-- but to me, being kind to others actually without understanding what kindness meant to myself, w- I have eventually understood that it-- I was just being polite. And true kindness comes when we are also kind to ourselves.

So finding that fractu- like completely accepting our fractured self and being kind towards it so that we can then don't have to think about being kind to another person, um, and let it flow, that would be my, my take or my give to somebody else. 

Yeah. So we We first, uh, offer kindness to ourselves. Uh, one of the four immeasurables of love and kindness.

I, I lead a love and kindness practice every Friday, and so it's, you know, so part of it is extending love and kindness, uh, a- as you well know because I know you are, uh, studied in the, in the field of meditation and mindfulness. We extend love and kindness to, uh, those that we know, those that we don't know, um, all living creatures, all of our fellow humans, and of course to ourselves as a way to fill up our own cup.

So I, I love that. Yeah, we could all do a better job of offering kindness to ourselves. 

Right. And if I may just add a little bit there. One of the things that came through meditation for me was understanding that the word, the two words H-O-L-E is part of the W-H-O-L-E. So the hole is the- Yes ... part of the whole, right?

And to me, when I truly understood that, um, it just completely changed what love and kindness meant. That is when love and kindness hit towards the self, right? That we accept- Yes ... ourselves with all of the holes that we have or the fractured selves that we are. 

Yeah. Well, well as you, you might know, this series is part of my overall podcast, which is called Whole Again.

Oh, yes. 

So, uh, so, uh, based on, like, what I've gone through in my life and just, you know, uh, working on my, my own consu- my own Consugi project. So, uh, so we'll round out here. I've been asking the person before you if they have a question for you. So yesterday I spoke to Carrie in Montana, and her question for you is to basically share a moment in your life where significant change happened.

Uh, when was that? Uh, where was that? And if you can share more about that moment. 

Yes, thank you for asking that. And Carrie, that is a lovely question. Um, the significant moment for me ha- I've had many, but one of them was when I was, uh, dealing with my, uh, adolescent daughter and realized that I was turning into a parent that I did not want to be, uh, because I would lose her if I continued on the same path.

And when that struck me, um, I knew that I had to find a way to completely undo myself so that I would not lose the children ... I would not lose my children the way I was lost to my parents. And that is when meditation came into my life and, um- Since then, it has only been a beautiful journey, and I am very grateful and happy to say that my children love coming home and spending time with their parents And I would not trade that for anything in the world.

What a gift. Uh, what a- Yes ... what a great moment. And breaking the generational chain, if you will, from, you know, your experiencing growing up. And there's ... I'm gonna paint with a really broad brush, but there, there is something about moms and teenage daughters that test who we are as parents in a very, in a very special way.

So I'm- 

Absolutely ... 

oh, I'm so, um, I'm so grateful that you got to, uh, go through that moment and, and, and find the other side where your kids wanna come back home, which is so, uh, so great to hear, so. 

Yes. 

So what question do you have for the next person I chat with in our series? 

My question would be related to kindness, um, and ask them what do they do to spread or increase kindness in the world?

Ah, great question. I will definitely ask that of our next guest. And I do actually have another question for you, because I worked, I worked at a Japanese company for most of my career, so I was able to go to Japan quite often, and that's how I discovered Kintsugi. And here in America, I think most people, I'm gonna make a, again, another broad brush statement, I think most people think, "Well, Japanese food is sushi," and that's all, that's all it is until you go to Japan and you realize that people aren't eating sushi every day.

So I am a big fan of, I think, American Indian cuisine. 

Okay. 

And so how, how similar or different is American Indian food that you would get from a restaurant to what you would get if you were actually in India? 

Oh, very, very different. So American Indian food m- is mostly of the North Ind- it's m- like it's modified fusion North Indian cuisine for the most part.

And then there is also the South ... Like, every state has its own cuisine, but we don't see much of that. And then the other part about that North Indian cuisine in the USA is mas- mainly tomatoes and onion gravy mixed with some cream, and then vegetables are mixed into it, or some version of that is ... It's quite heavy on that.

And that is not the way Indians eat. And the big thing about Indian food in India is that almost all of it is fresh. So even in restaurants it's fresh, so the taste is completely different. And the other thing is that I am make, going to make a broad statement here that we Indians love to Uh, steal from other cultures and make it our own.

So you get a million cuisines of Indian food. So there's Italian Indian, Chinese Indian, uh, continental Indian, uh, Japanese Indian. Um, what other countries can we think of? Mexican Indian. Um 

Okay. 

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. 

That's a lot. I, I notice you didn't say, like, um, well, of course, like, uh, you're not gonna pull from

Maybe there's an England India, but obviously there's a big relationship between those two countries. That's a given. Um- That's 

a given, right? 

Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So, um, so well, thank you for that education. I- India is one country in this world that I haven't been to, and I so desperately want to go. My wife has been, and I

It's on my, it's on my list of places to visit. There's one group that has been reaching out to me to, uh, do a bike ride across India in, in sort of in that spirit. And so I am talking to them about joining them, and, um, that might be, that might be something I do in the upcoming year. So I ... That would be, it would be a wonderful experience.

And to see India by bicycle, I'm, I'm biased here, but I think going through a country, any country, uh, s- on a bicycle is a great way to experience it because you're not going so quickly, and you can take in more things. And obviously, while you're on a bike, it becomes a conversation starter, and it gives you a chance to connect with people.

So I don't know. I, I th- I think that's in the cards for me, but, uh, in the maybe the next couple of years, so we'll see. I'll keep you posted. 

Uh, either way. Absolutely. I would love to. And if, when you go to- Yes ... India, I'll get you in touch with my people there in, from my- Oh, yes ... state and city if you're going there, for sure.

I, uh, that would be great. I need some, I need some good food recommendations, no doubt. So, uh- Yeah, 

you'll get that. S- 

so, well, thank you so much for, one, the ripple effect that you're putting into the world and just this emphasis on kindness and just helping us become a more perfectly imperfect union. I so appreciate you.

Thank you for doing what you're doing, Michael. Th- and thank you for having me. 

You're welcome. Peace. 

Peace.

I could have spoken to M Aviv for much, much longer. There's so much I was curious about when it comes to her story, and I love the fact that she's showing up today using Eastern modalities like mindfulness and meditation, along with Western treatments to help people navigate their cancer journey. What a ripple effect.

So cool. Let me know what you picked up from our conversation. And as always, thanks for being here. Thanks for listening. I hope you'll join me for our live meditative practices throughout the week. I usually hold them on Monday and Friday, and you can reach out if you'd like to know the schedule. But until then, remember to celebrate your scars as golden symbols of your strength and resilience, and don't forget to have fun storming the castle.

And if you wish to learn more about creating beautiful ripples and how to prevent a bad moment from turning into a bad day, please visit my website, michaelobrienshift.com, and sign up for my newsletter called The Ripple Effect. And join us each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday here at Whole Again, and discover how you can heal, grow, and become more resilient.

And celebrate our scars as golden symbols of strength and resilience. Until then, remember, you can always come back to your breath. You've got this, and we've got you.

Key Takeaways

Madhavi Parikh immigrated from India to the United States in 1988 for an arranged marriage and built a career helping people heal.

She believes people who lash out are typically offloading their own pain, and that real kindness starts with accepting our own fractured pieces.

The insight that the word 'hole' is literally part of the word 'whole' changed how she saw herself and her approach to healing.

A parenting realization led her to meditation, which became transformative in her personal development.

Frequently Asked Questions

When did Madhavi Parikh leave India?

She left India in 1988 for an arranged marriage.

What is the 'A Perfectly Imperfect Union' series about?

It features conversations with everyday people reflecting on America at 250, airing between May and October on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays.

What question does Madhavi pose to the next guest?

What do you do to spread or increase kindness in the world?

Where is Madhavi Parikh located?

She is in North Carolina, referred to as the Tar Heel State in the episode.