Jessica Starks: A Perfectly Imperfect Union: Reflecting on America 250

<p> Hey there, it's Michael. Welcome to Whole Again, the show that's here in support of you creating a meaningful life and the person you're becoming. And I'm excited to share a new series with you that will air this summer as America turns 250 years old, which is still pretty young relative to many other countries across this big blue marble that we all share.</p>
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<p>The series is called A Perfectly Imperfect Union. In 2022, I rode my bike across America from Astoria, Oregon to the Lincoln Memorial. My wife drove our RV and she had two co-pilots, Jester and Hope, two Springer Spaniels And when we did it, America was coming out of the pandemic and we were hurting.</p>
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<p>Hurting from things that had happened prior to the pandemic, of course, going through what we all went through. And at that time, and this is something I still believe today, is that we were entering an inflection point. An inflection point for us to hopefully pause, breathe, and reflect on who we wish to become as individuals, as communities, and as a country.</p>
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<p>As I pedaled across America, I wanted to share America's beauty with others, her natural beauty and the beauty of her people. And I also wanted to share where we were hurting As America turns 250, I believe Kintsugi, which is something we use as a metaphor here at Whole Again, is a perfect metaphor for where we are as a country.</p>
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<p>There's so much beauty to celebrate, and we can also acknowledge that parts of us feel broken or are broken, but we can find a way to come back together, just like Kintsugi teaches us. And when we do, we don't try to erase or cover up where we have scars or blemishes. We highlight them in gold, and we celebrate them as symbols of our strength and resilience.</p>
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<p>Kintsugi is called the golden repair, and in essence, we can see beauty in something that's perfectly imperfect. During this series, I plan to speak to at least two people in each state and the District of Columbia, so 102 conversations with real folk, as I like to say. We're gonna let the celebrities and the big influencers have their day somewhere else, but here I wanna reach out and talk to real people and listen to their reflections as they think about America turning 250 years old.</p>
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<p>And my hope is, is that you'll tune in to at least one, if not all 102, 'cause my theory going into this is that you'll hear different perspectives. Some may be aligned with yours, others may not. But my hope is that you hear the goodness in your fellow citizens and realize, as Maya Angelou shared with us, "We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike."</p>
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<p>We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. I've had the privilege of traveling all over the world and all over this country, and this belief is something that I hold deep inside of me. So yes, I do believe that we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. So if you're ready to get to know one of your perfectly imperfect neighbors, just like all of us, take a healthy breath in and a slow releasing breath out, and get to know Jessica Starks.</p>
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<p>Uh, Jessica, my friend, so good to see you. Thanks for joining me on this series called A Perfectly Imperfect Union. How are you doing today? </p>
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<p>I'm great. How about you? </p>
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<p>I'm doing pretty well. It's a little warm up in these parts, like in, in, right outside of New York City, so it's a little, it's a little hot right now, but it will pass.</p>
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<p>It'll get cooler. So we're just-- we're grateful for a little air conditioning- Right ... a cold shower, some ice to put in your lemonade, all that good stuff like that. So, uh, but I, I'm doing fairly, fairly well. So I know we connected through like a random request, a random message that I sent to you on LinkedIn.</p>
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<p>I found your profile, and I just loved all the different things you're doing and the energy you're putting into the world. So I, I know a little bit about you, but I, I didn't know if you could take a moment to introduce yourself. And what state are you currently living in? </p>
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<p>So my name, well, of course, my name is Jessica Starks.</p>
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<p>I'm from the great state of Mississippi. Um, where it's also extremely hot, so I </p>
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<p>hope- Yeah, well, yeah, I but I, I didn't wanna complain too much about how hot it is up here, 'cause it's like that's summer for you all down there, and so you know. </p>
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<p>Yeah. Yeah. Gotta, gotta love a Mississippi summer. </p>
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<p>Yeah. </p>
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<p>But I am an entrepreneur.</p>
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<p>Um, I'm a writer. I'm a storyteller, a community builder, um, and I'm just somebody who advocates for all things creativity. </p>
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<p>Yeah. That's so cool. That's so cool. So this is a big country, and not everyone's been to every one of the 50 states. So if someone hasn't been to Mississippi, what's something that's really special about the state that people might not know if they've never been to it?</p>
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<p>So, um, I would say I know we're considered the Hospitality State, but we really are. We're- Okay ... we're very nice people. Um, I know we kinda have, you know, a bad, uh, connotation sometimes when people think about Mississippi, um, but we're really friendly. We'll give- Yeah ... we'll give you whatever. We'll make sure you eat.</p>
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<p>We'll give you s- food for the road. We'll do whatever we can to make sure that you're comfortable and you're taken care of. And, and just to add, I would also say, um, again, we, we get a bad rap for education, but we have a lot of really accomplished and well-read and well-written people who come from here.</p>
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<p>Yeah. So, um, and a lot of people don't know that. So those are two things I would say about Mississippi. </p>
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<p>Very, very cool. Well, I will definitely validate your answer. So w- every time I've been down to Mis- Mississippi, the hospitality has been, like, so great. Like, I have never left the state hungry, I will say that.</p>
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<p>It's been a lot of eating. But just the overall friendliness of the people I've interacted with, and, and, and I say that because that's not always the case in other states. Like, you know, there's some states where if you come in and you're not from around the area, it's a little bit of a cold reception at first.</p>
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<p>Right. Yeah. </p>
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<p>And I have found, like, every time I've gone down to Mississippi, it's, like, a warm reception, warm temperatures, as we've already mentioned, but also, like, just, like, yeah, really cool, uh, hospitality. So, um, I think that's, um, fantastic. So let's pretend we're all outside having a nice picnic during the summer here.</p>
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<p>You got all your f- friends, your community members, your family, and they ask you, "Hey, Jessica, what does America mean to you?" How do you respond to that? </p>
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<p>America, for me, is- It's complicated, but it's a beautiful, complicated mess of things, you know? Um, nothing's perfect, and of course we're not perfect, you know, as America and as Americans, but I think there's something beautiful about us always finding a way to connect and be resilient and bring our differences together.</p>
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<p>Yeah. And </p>
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<p>I think that's what really makes us special and unique from a lot of other places. </p>
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<p>Yeah. Well, we are, we, we are a little ragged around the edges, a little imperfect, right? So but that could be, like, part of our magic, you know? It's like we're, we're all trying to figure this thing called life out.</p>
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<p>We don't-- I don't think anyone really has all the answers, so, uh, and if we can find a way to, like, look at our differences, it's like, ah, no, that's part of our strength. Like, that can, that can help us get s- get stronger, which is really cool. So as a creative, um, a writer, you know, and just doing all the things that you're doing, I know, like, AI has been a public conversation all this year, and I've told other people, I, I think I'm gonna go into the future and in 2050 listen back to everyone's response to this question, just to see how we think of AI, like, now compared to, like, 20, 25 years from now.</p>
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<p>But where do you see AI? Like, how do you view it as a, as a creative, uh, and where we are now with it being in this year? </p>
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<p>Right now as a creative, I think creatives and AI are kinda like frenemies right now. Um, like, there's a s- I feel like there's a space for it, but sometimes people can go overboard, and so it makes us as creatives feel like we're being left out of the conversation again.</p>
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<p>Um, 'cause I know even before, like with, um, writers and artists and things of that nature, we felt like people didn't take us seriously. And so then now with AI coming in, they're like, "Oh, well, we'll just use AI to do this," and it's like, no. Yes. You know? Like, it can help in certain ways, but you still want that human and human-generated creativity also.</p>
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<p>Yeah, yeah. I th- I think from my perspective, it's like it's something about our souls, you know? Like, the soul that we put into, like, music. Like, I've heard some AI-generated songs- And it's really hard to tell the difference, at least from my ear. But there's something about, like, a really good song has, like, the artist's soul, and same with writing.</p>
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<p>Um, I see it as a good, I, I see it like, sort of like you, I see it as a good tool, a, a friend of me, as you mentioned. But yeah, there's something that makes us human that I don't wanna, like, lose sight of. </p>
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<p>Right. Yeah, 'cause there's just experiences that only we can have. AI, they can hear about it, but, you know, it's different when you feel it.</p>
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<p>Yeah. You gotta feel it. You gotta feel it. Yeah. So I know, like, in this country, every family has its own story with this country and this land. You know, we're, we're a country that's complex and complicated, and we've, we've made errors in the past, um, that's brought people to this land, and how we've treated people that were on this land well before it was even a country.</p>
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<p>So do you know much about your family's story about America? </p>
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<p>Um, well, I am privileged to know a lot about my family. </p>
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<p>Cool. </p>
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<p>It's, you know, sometimes it's hard especially for African Americans, but I'm grateful that, um, I had a family of storytellers. Oh, cool. So they, the s- like, you know, they told us who, uh, people were.</p>
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<p>They told us where they came from, or they just left small hints behind to kinda help us along the way. So, uh, it's just, it's been special to have that 'cause I know everybody doesn't. Um, and then also knowing, you know, of course, a complicated history with, um, slavery and things of that nature, um, where...</p>
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<p>'Cause I do genealogy as well. </p>
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<p>Oh, wow. Oh, wow, I didn't know that. Oh, that's so </p>
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<p>cool. Yeah. I've been, ooh, I started when I was 10. Wow. So I've been doing it for a long time now, and, uh, I've had the honor of being able to meet a lot of different people that way. And, uh, one thing that I was personally afraid of initially was sometimes when you, especially when you come from slavery and you have maybe white relatives who didn't know or, you know, just weren't aware of the circumstances, um, sometimes people will be a little standoffish and they may not wanna talk about it.</p>
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<p>But, um, to my pleasant surprise, a lot of the, um, white relatives that I've met, they've embraced us. They're like, "Okay, we're cousins," you know? All </p>
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<p>right. </p>
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<p>And so it's nice to have that even though it's a complicated story. We can embrace that we're relatives, you know? </p>
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<p>That's </p>
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<p>cool. And, uh, we can embrace that special, unique history.</p>
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<p>Yeah. Yeah. Well, like, it sounds like your family's story is, is complex as the American story. You know, like, it's like it's all... It's a little messy, it's complex, but if we can find a way to give each other grace and, and really realize that we're all connected, um, we're all one, um, that, um, that can find a wa- that can help us, uh, find a way to heal and then move forward.</p>
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<p>So one of the things, Jessica, that I use as a metaphor for our series is the Japanese art form of Kintsugi, knowing that things break, uh, things chip, but we can find a way to heal and repair and grow. And instead of hiding our blemishes or our scars, we highlight them, and they're symbols of our strength and resilience.</p>
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<p>So if you could just take one thing um, to work on to help us heal and grow and repair, connect, if you will, uh, maybe not in a perfect way, but in a meaningful way to help us, you know, form this more perfectly imperfect union, what would it be? </p>
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<p>I would say for us as a collective to work on our honesty. </p>
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<p>Oh.</p>
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<p>Um, because I think a lot of times the issue is that we're not always completely truthful with each other- Mm ... as a whole, and that's whether that's, you know, in our personal relationships or if we're educating each other, like there's a lot of misinformation. Um, and I think if we really try to pursue truth and be as honest as we could, that would kind of set us in a good direction.</p>
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<p>Yeah. Having the truth gives us a, what I hear in your response, just a, a solid foundation to build re- a relationship on. </p>
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<p>Right. </p>
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<p>Because a relationship that doesn't have truth or, or honesty is really one built on a, a weak foundation. </p>
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<p>Right. </p>
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<p>Yeah. Yeah, no, I, I'm with you. I'm down, I'm down for more, uh, more honesty, there's no doubt about that.</p>
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<p>So, so as we celebrate America's 250th really all year long, usually for birthdays we have cake. So this is a two-part question for you. What kind of cake are you serving for America's 250th, and as you blow out the candles, what is your greatest wish for the country? </p>
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<p>Ooh, that's a good question. So I don't, I, I guess everybody does this, I don't know if it's just a Southern thing, but for the type of cake, I would do a dump cake </p>
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<p>personally.</p>
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<p>What's, what's that? I, I have no idea what that is. </p>
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<p>Okay, okay. So a dump cake, like they have a ton of different flavors, so it just depends on what you like, but it's one of those cakes that you can kinda dump everything in. You don't have to- ... fix it. Okay. And you just bake it and it's just gooey and it's good, so </p>
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<p>Oh, wow, okay.</p>
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<p>So- A dump cake. I, I- Yeah ... this is awesome. I can't... I gotta get a recipe for a dump cake. </p>
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<p>Oh- Okay ... yeah, they're great. They're great. It's lots of butter and fruit and sugar. It's great. </p>
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<p>Okay. </p>
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<p>Um, yeah, I would serve a dump cake just because that's kinda like what I feel like America is. We're just a really big-</p>
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<p>dump cake with all these different flavors. </p>
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<p>That's awesome. That's </p>
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<p>awesome. And, um, as I blow out the candles, hmm, what my wish would be for in there. I think, well, kinda piggybacking off of what we previously talked about, more empathy. Okay. 'Cause truth and empathy to me kinda can go hand-in-hand. </p>
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<p>Yeah. </p>
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<p>And I think when we have those truths brought out, a lot of emotions can come up.</p>
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<p>So being able to have empathy and, you know, see other people's sides and walk in their shoes for a little bit, that kinda completes everything. </p>
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<p>Yeah, 'cause I think ultimately we just wanna be heard and seen and loved as humans, as people. Yeah. So in this series, I've been asking the person I last chatted with to ask a question of you.</p>
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<p>So I recently just talked to Nelson from New York City, and his question for you is, if you could g- get with Ken Burns, the famous documentarian, and you could say, "Hey, Ken, here's what you should focus in on for your next documentary," what would it be? What would be the subject? </p>
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<p>Ooh, so again, Mississippi girl here </p>
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<p>Yes</p>
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<p>of course I'd have to have a Mississippi documentary. </p>
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<p>All right. </p>
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<p>Um, I would like him to study the, or, you know, do a documentary on the differences between, um, the different regions of the state. Ah, okay. Because I, I've noticed a lot of people when they think of Mississippi, they either think Jackson, which is our state capital, or they think, um, you know, just, uh, gravel roads, trees- </p>
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<p>Sure</p>
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<p>you know, nothingness, I guess you would say. </p>
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<p>Yeah, yeah. Like the, the sticks. Right. The rural sticks, yeah. </p>
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<p>Which we do have those- Sure, yeah ... but we have a lot of really great, well put together cities. And then, um, I also think about it too, 'cause my parents, my father is from more like central Mississippi. Um, and although my mother, she was born and raised in Wisconsin, uh, her family is from northern Mississippi.</p>
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<p>Okay. </p>
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<p>And, um, I remember my mother always saying her mother and my dad's mother, you know, they were both raised here, but their outlooks were different. </p>
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<p>Yeah, yeah. </p>
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<p>And so I would like to analyze kind of the experiences based on the regions that they were in. </p>
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<p>I like that. I love, I li- and I love the, I love the love that you have for Mississippi.</p>
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<p>It's really cool. Yeah. 'Cause I think, as you mentioned upfront, people in other parts of the country have, like, this view of Mississippi, and they've never been to it, and so they, it's incomplete. And so asking Ken Burns to do a documentary on your state I think is wonderful. That's awesome. So what question do you have for the next person I chat with?</p>
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<p>Ooh. Um, I would ask, if you could build a museum on anything that you chose, what would your museum be about? </p>
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<p>Ah. I like that. Very cool. Well, I'll definitely ask the next person in our series that very question, and I am eager to see what they'll have to say. So, uh, Jessica, thanks for doing this. Thanks for responding to some random message on LinkedIn and sitting down with me and talking about our country, and, and for the ripple effect that you're putting into the world and helping us form a more perfectly imperfect union.</p>
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<p>So I appreciate you. Thanks again for being here and doing this with me. </p>
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<p>Thank you. Thanks for having me. I, I had a good time. </p>
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<p>Awesome. Peace.</p>
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<p>I simply loved Jessica's vibe. We had some technical difficulties during our conversation. After all, this is a Perfectly Imperfect series, and she just flowed with it. No fuss. We figured it out. It was pretty cool. And I love the whole concept of a dump cake. I wanna say I need to find a good recipe for it, but I'm not sure if a cake like that requires a recipe since you're dumping everything in.</p>
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<p>Either way, it sounded delicious, and I love her question about what kind of museum would you create if you could create any type of museum? How would you respond to Jessica's question? Let me know in the comments section. And I hope you'll check out the next episode of Whole Again, and of course, continue listening in to our Perfectly Imperfect series.</p>
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<p>But until then, let's remember to celebrate our scars as golden symbols of our strength and resilience. And don't forget to have fun storming the castle.</p>
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<p>And if you wish to learn more about creating beautiful ripples and how to prevent a bad moment from turning into a bad day, please visit my website, michaelobrienshift.com, and sign up for my newsletter called The Ripple Effect. And join us each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday here at Whole Again, and discover how you can heal, grow, and become more resilient, and celebrate our scars as golden symbols of strength and resilience.</p>
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<p>Until then, remember, you can always come back to your breath. You've got this. And</p>