Growth Mindset Tip #39 - Equanimity and Wu Wei for Mindfulness and Resilience - Whole Again: Mindfulness and Resilience Through Kintsugi Wisdom

How tightly are you gripping the handlebars right now?

I explore why so many of us are clenching against a world of accelerating uncertainty, why that grip leaves us exhausted and feeling every bump in the road, and how easing up lets us absorb setbacks without losing momentum. You don't give up control. You let balance do its job.

My invitation for you this week?

Notice when you start to tense up. Acknowledge the fear, then release the tension, using your breath, mindful movement, or yoga to come back to center. Make small shifts instead of reaching for a big fix. And trust your process enough to let momentum do some of the work.

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Hey there, it's Michael. Welcome to Whole Again, the show that's here in support of the person you're becoming and a meaningful life. And today we're up to tip 39. If you've been following along, you know that every Friday I've been sharing a growth mindset tip, and one common question I get is, "Hey, Michael, when did you get back on the bike?"

So let me tell you a story. It was 13 months after the big accident, and my physical therapist was poking the bear as a way to get me back on the bike. I really didn't want to. I wasn't necessarily nervous about getting back on the road, I just didn't wanna see how far I had to go to feel, quote unquote, normal again.

And she pressed my buttons in such a way... And I think a good therapist, a good physical therapist, knows how to do that with their patients in order to get the most out of their recovery. Well, my therapist, Laura, did that to me, and the very next day, I was back on my bike. My daughters came, my wife came. I went to an industrial park that is used, or was used, for Thursday night bike races, and I was gonna do laps around this industrial park And when I started, I was a bit unsure, very wobbly, but I was doing it, and it felt good.

I did about five laps, and then I told my wife and girls to go get some coffee. I wanted to do some riding on my own. And after another lap, I decided to get on the road, a road that I've been on over 1,000 times. I wanted to do that test, and I didn't want anyone watching. And as soon as I pulled onto the road, I could feel something coming up behind me.

And I looked behind me, although that wasn't all that smooth, and I saw this big white Ford Expedition coming right at me. Now, if you don't remember, and I don't blame you if you don't remember, but I was hit by a Ford, a white Ford Explorer. So I thought the universe was playing a cruel trick on me. You sent something bigger my way, huh?

As it got closer, I could feel the vibration on the road, and I gripped the handlebars even more tightly than how I was gripping them just a second or two ago. I think I might have closed my eyes. I definitely held my breath, and I just waited for that big SUV to pass me, and without, of course, any drama.

And when it did, I opened my eyes, I exhaled, I eased my grip on my handlebars, and I was like, "All right, I can do this." And then ever since that day, I've been just trying to ride a little bit faster, maybe a little bit longer That moment was key, especially the whole gripping the handlebars part. Because as I was riding my bike for the first time since my accident, at the same time, I was diving deeper into my practice of mindfulness, and I was discovering the quality known as equanimity.

It's one of the four immeasurables with loving kindness, compassion, and appreciative joy, or mudita. And I also learned the Taoist principle of wu wei. And that brings us to the tip this week, tip number 39, the intersection between equanimity and wu wei, and helping you create more meaning in your life.

So let's start with the principle of equanimity. Equanimity is an internal state. It's your ability to be composed, to be calm and balanced and grounded, even when there's a whole bunch of chaos surrounding you. I think the world could use a bit more equanimity right now. And through that lens, even when you have a mistake or maybe a bad moment or a setback of some sort You can say, "Hey, Michael, this happened," but what happened doesn't define me, and it doesn't mean everything is lost or I'm ruined.

Now, wu wei is more of the external manifestation of equanimity. It's actually referenced as effortless action. Going back to those handlebars, it's easing your grip so you're not white-knuckling your ride, or in other words, you're not trying to force the matter. So equanimity and wu wei can work hand in hand.

Equanimity is your quiet center, and wu wei is the fluid way you approach life. And here's a way that I love to look at it. It moves us from all my different cycling metaphors to that of a surfer. Think of a surfer riding the waves. Her equanimity is her internal composure that she's got this. The waves keep coming, but she knows how to surf.

And her wu wei is observed by how she dances on top of those waves, adjusting her balance gracefully with fluidity, with agility. And together, equanimity with wu wei can form a great principle around growth. One, though, that's not built on rigid perfection, but more of flexibility, of being perfectly imperfect, that we can be calm and grounded, and we can adjust as we move forward.

Again, instead of trying to clench too tightly, as so many of us do because we wish to control how things will unfold. And that's natural. We're human after all. If we move from the cycling and surfing world to more of a, "Hey, this is it. This is real life right here, right now When we fall down, when we have a setback, and we want to get back up again, we want to exercise our resilience, it's natural to feel a whole bunch of different emotions.

The heart rate might go up. We might be a little nervous. We might grab those handlebars or whatever we're trying to grab ahold of a little bit more tightly than normal. We tense up. Our arms get a little stiff. Our shoulders do as well, maybe even our jaw. And as we ride through life or we ride on the bike, again, going back to that cycling metaphor, we can feel all the bumps in the road because everything is so tense, everything is so stiff, and that just tires us out.

It wears down the body And this is how so many of us are going through life because there's so much complexity in the world. There's always been uncertainty, but it's coming at a much faster rate and pace to us thanks to technology. So we're grabbing so tightly trying to control things, and then we wonder why we feel so fatigued, so tired, burnt out.

But we can all ride this journey a bit better if we just loosen our grip just a bit, if we relax just a bit more and allow the bike, or we allow ourselves to move down the road, so we can absorb the bumps, the setbacks without losing all of our momentum. And the cool thing about it is that we don't have to give up control.

We're simply letting the natural physics of balance support us. So as you go forward into the week, my invitation to you is to notice the fear when you find yourself tensing up. Again, it's natural. Acknowledge the fear, but try to release the tension. Equanimity means we're noticing these things, and we can use something like our breath or mindful movement or yoga to help us return to more of a grounded state, a state where we know we can confidently say, "Even though there might be a lot here, we've got this."

And then wu wei allows us to make adjustments in small ways. So when things get a little crazy, sometimes we reach for a big solution. But when we make small, subtle shifts, think about that surfer again and how she's constantly making micro changes to keep her balance. When we do that throughout our lives, then we can go with the flow a bit more easily.

And then ultimately, we can let momentum do some of the work for us. We can trust our process, and we don't need to grip so tightly. So try that out and let me know how it goes

And as always, thanks for being here. Thanks for listening. And I hope you're checking out the series I'm running all summer. It finishes up here at the end of October. It's called A Perfectly Imperfect Union, where I'm talking to everyday Americans about their reflections as America celebrates year 250 this year.

But until our next episode, which is tomorrow, remember to celebrate your scars as golden symbols of your strength and resilience, and don't forget to have fun storming the castle.

And if you wish to learn more about creating beautiful ripples and how to prevent a bad moment from turning into a bad day, please visit my website, michaelobrienshift.com, and sign up for my newsletter called The Ripple Effect. And join us each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday here at Whole Again, and discover how you can heal, grow, and become more resilient, and celebrate our scars as golden symbols of strength and resilience.

Until then, remember, you can always come back to your breath. You've got this, and we've got you.

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