Growth Mindset Tip #32: Hold the Door Open
The Whole Again Podcast: Mindfulness and Resilience through Kinstugi Wisdom airs every Monday, Wednesday and Friday with Pause Breathe Reflect Microdose Meditations, Growth Mindset and Mindfulness Tips, to help us transform our scars into healing and resilience.
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Have you ever had one of those days where absolutely nothing goes right, right down to a door that won't open the way you expect it to?
That was Michael earlier this week. Not a bad day, not compared to July 11, 2001, but a day.
Errands piling up, arms full of packages, and a post office door that stubbornly pulled open instead of pushing. Just as his frustration peaked, a stranger stepped in with four simple words: "Hey, let me get that for you." That small moment sparked tip number 32 in Michael's 25 Lessons in 25 Years series, celebrating the 25th anniversary of his last bad day.
It sounds almost too small to count as a tip. Hold the door open for someone?
But Michael digs into the psychology behind it, what researchers call the shared effort model, and shows why this tiny, split-second exchange between strangers does real work. It signals to another person that they're seen, that someone has enough time and generosity to slow down for them, even for a second or two.
In a world that can feel lonely and divided, Michael makes the case that these small, subconscious social pacts matter more than we realize. They won't solve your biggest problems, but they can pull you out of the story that tells you you're on your own.
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<p> Hey there, it's Michael. Welcome to Whole Again, the show that's here in support of the person you're becoming and a meaningful life. If you're new here, welcome. The door is always open for you, and if you're returning, thank you. And you probably know that all this year on Fridays, I've been sharing micro tips of wisdom that I've learned along the way.</p>
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<p>This is one way I'm celebrating the 25th anniversary of my last bad day, a day that sparked all of this. And earlier this week, I was having a day. Not a bad one, mind you. That was July 11th, 2001 since my last bad one, but I was having a day. I think it's a day that you could probably relate to. Nothing was going right.</p>
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<p>Everything was more difficult than I think it should have been. Nothing was easy. It was so frustrating. And my last errand of the day was to the post office. I had many packages to mail, and instead of putting them in a tote bag, which would've been easy, but I didn't do, I decided to bundle them all up in my arms and walk to the door, just thankful I was on my last errand of the day and I could get home And as I got closer to the door, I began to wonder, how am I gonna get through the door?</p>
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<p>Because it was a pull-to-open door, not a push-to-open door, which got me in my head thinking, "What kind of chucklehead decides to make it a pull-to-open, not a push-to-open?" And as soon as I was tossing that around in my head, I heard a voice, and the voice said, "Hey, let me get that for you." And there was a guy holding the door open for me.</p>
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<p>It was an intentional act of kindness. I just loved it. And I say intentional because I believe every act of kindness is intentional, not random. And that brings us to tip number 32 in our series, hold the door open for someone. Now, I know that might sound small, doesn't sound like a full tip. You might be wondering, "Don't you have something bigger?</p>
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<p>A better tip where I can make a real shift? Holding the door open? Is that all you got this week, Michael? Are you mailing it in?" Well, actually, holding the door open for others is really meaningful. It builds connection, and there's some pretty cool science behind it. Psychologists call it the shared effort model.</p>
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<p>You see, when we hold the door open for someone, our brain has made a calculation, lightning fast as it does, subconsciously, that when we see someone coming up behind us or carrying a whole bunch of packages, we expend just a bit of energy to hold the door open so they can put forth less energy, less effort.</p>
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<p>And what happens when we hold the door open for someone else, the people behind us, usually what happens if they're a bit of a distance away, as I was, we pick up our pace. So we expend just a little bit more energy, and collectively, our overall effort goes down. Again, these decisions happen without us really thinking.</p>
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<p>How cool is that? And I think it's a beautiful way in what feels like a lonely, divided world to say, "Hey, as I'm holding the door open for you, I'm letting you know that I see you, that I have enough time for you, that I don't have to rush through life." So think about that for a second. It's a silent, subconscious social pact, and it happens within a second or two.</p>
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<p>Two, generally speaking, total strangers agree to cooperate just enough to make each other's day just a little bit easier. How cool is that? It's a great part of our humanity, a small little connection, and I think these small connections do matter. They build trust. They let people know that they're not alone.</p>
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<p>Where I went to school for college, this was a big part of our campus culture, holding the door open for other people. And what happens when we're stuck in a bad mood, when we're having a day as I was, sometimes our brain does some weird tricks on us. We start to have some type of narrative that says, "Hey, we're all alone in this big, bad world.</p>
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<p>There's no one around to help us." But when someone else pauses just enough to look around before they walk through the door, and they see someone else, and they hold the door open, what that tells us is that, oh, they see us. We're actually not that alone. This tip won't magically solve your biggest problems or worries, but it could pull you out of the funk that we get in when we think we're all by ourselves As always, thanks for listening.</p>
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<p>Thanks for being here. I hope you're checking out our series, A Perfectly Imperfect Union, where I'm talking to everyday folks about their reflections on America as she celebrates year 250. We'll have another episode for you tomorrow. But until then, remember to celebrate your scars as golden symbols of your strength and resilience, and don't forget to have fun storming the castle.</p>
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