A Perfectly Imperfect Union: Reflecting on America 250 with Kate Quay

The Whole Again Podcast: Mindfulness and Resilience through Kinstugi Wisdom airs every Monday, Wednesday and Friday with Pause Breathe Reflect Microdose Meditations, Growth Mindset and Mindfulness Tips, to help us transform our scars into healing and resilience.

And between May and October, I'm sharing a new series I'm calling: A Perfectly Imperfect Union. It's about connecting with every day folks as they reflect on America at 250. Conversations will air every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.

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In the latest episode of A Perfectly Imperfect Union, I travel to The Silver State to connect with Kate Quay.

Kate believes freedom is the simplest answer to what America means to her. She also believes that answer gets complicated fast, because freedom has never been equally distributed.

She shares how leaving the Bay Area's political homogeneity for Reno's purple streets actually made her feel more connected, not less. And why detaching people from their politics might be what heals us.

To connect with Kate, you can find her on LinkedIn and her website.

And her question for you and our next guest is: How do you find joy in your life?

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Hey there, it's Michael. Welcome to Whole Again, the show that's here in support of you creating a meaningful life and the person you're becoming. And I'm excited to share a new series with you that will air this summer as America turns 250 years old, which is still pretty young relative to many other countries across this big blue marble that we all share.

The series is called A Perfectly Imperfect Union. In 2022, I rode my bike across America from Astoria, Oregon to the Lincoln Memorial. My wife drove our RV and she had two co-pilots, Jester and Hope, two springer spaniels And when we did it, America was coming out of the pandemic and we were hurting.

Hurting from things that had happened prior to the pandemic, of course, going through what we all went through. And at that time, and this is something I still believe today, is that we were entering an inflection point. An inflection point for us to hopefully pause, breathe, and reflect on who we wish to become as individuals, as communities, and as a country.

As I pedaled across America, I wanted to share America's beauty with others, her natural beauty and the beauty of her people. And I also wanted to share where we were hurting As America turns 250, I believe Kintsugi, which is something we use as a metaphor here at Whole Again, is a perfect metaphor for where we are as a country.

There's so much beauty to celebrate, and we can also acknowledge that parts of us feel broken or are broken. But we can find a way to come back together, just like Kintsugi teaches us. And when we do, we don't try to erase or cover up where we have scars or blemishes. We highlight them in gold, and we celebrate them as symbols of our strength and resilience.

Kintsugi is called the golden repair, and in essence, we can see beauty in something that's perfectly imperfect. During this series, I plan to speak to at least two people in each state and the District of Columbia, so 102 conversations with real folk, as I like to say. We're gonna let the celebrities and the big influencers have their day somewhere else, but here I wanna reach out and talk to real people and listen to their reflections as they think about America turning 250 years old.

And my hope is, is that you'll tune in to at least one, if not all 102, 'cause my theory going into this is that you'll hear different perspectives. Some may be aligned with yours, others may not. But my hope is that you hear the goodness in your fellow citizens and realize, as Maya Angelou shared with us, "We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike."

We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. I've had the privilege of traveling all over the world and all over this country, and this belief is something that I hold deep inside of me. So yes, I do believe that we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. So if you're ready to get to know one of your fellow neighbors who is perfectly imperfect like all of us, take a healthy breath in and a slow releasing breath out and get to know Kate Kea.

Kate, so good to see you. Thanks for joining me here on A Perfectly Imperfect Union, and thank you for accepting a random request to meet up and connect. So, uh, how are you doing? 

I'm great, and thank you for inviting me. It's really good to be here. So yeah, I'm excited. 

Awesome. So let's get into it. I know a little bit about you.

We also share a common interest in cycling and bikes and stuff like that. So but for those that don't know who you are, can you take a moment to share who you are and also, uh, what state are you calling in from? 

Yeah. Well, I'll start there. I currently live in Reno, Nevada, which I absolutely love. We'll talk about it in a little bit.

Um, so I just left the corporate world, so I'm trying to figure out, used to be able to say I was a data product manager at Specialized Bicycles, but now I'm like, "I'm, uh..." So I'm starting my own thing. I'm, I, uh, I'm really excited. Um, I had a chronic, uh, nerve injury from cycling, um, and so I'm starting a website that provides education and information to, uh, cyclists who are dealing with the, the same nerve injury.

So I'm really excited to, like, transition from corporate world to an educator, an online educator. 

Awesome, like a new chapter. Like one chapter closes and a new chapter begins. That's, that's really cool. Yeah. Yeah. And so, um, for those that don't know about Nevada, like, we live in a big country. Not everyone's been to every state in the country.

Most people, when they think of Nevada, they think of, like, Las Vegas. Not to me. You know, people are like, "Oh, yeah, Reno too. That's another city in in the state." What's, uh, what's, what's something cool about maybe Reno or the state of Nevada that you've discovered that maybe people don't know about who have never been there?

There's so much. Um, okay, so I never thought I would live in Nevada, but- ... we happened into it. We had to- we had four weeks to move, and we were like, "Reno's cool. We like to fish. We like to ride. We like to be outdoors," and we ended up moving here randomly. And, um, I love this state. I think the coolest things, um, for me as, like, an outdoor person is, um, it has the most BLM land of anywhere in the United States.

So that's public land. Uh, and it's, like, over 60% of the land in Nevada is for the public use. 

Oh, 

wow. So- I 

didn't know that. That's cool. 

Yeah, it's incredible. So, like, I, I love to explore. So I'll just, like, go out and drive somewhere and, like, literally just walk out of my car into, like, nothingness, and it's, um...

The other cool thing about that is on a lot of that land, there are really cool ancient caves and petroglyphs and a lot of, like, um, like, historical sites, um, that you can go and visit and experience. So, like, an hour and a half from my house, um, was the site where they found the oldest mummy in the, uh, Americas.

Uh, it's like- Wow ... 12,000 years, 13,000 years old. Um, so that's amazing to me. It's just really cool. I feel like I could spend my whole life exploring the state. Um, and I think the other fact, uh, that you wouldn't expect, that I didn't expect, is that it's one of the most mountainous states in the US. Um, it has the most individual mountain ranges in all of the states, including Alaska.

I think there are 300 different mountain ranges in Nevada. 

Oh, wow. Huh, like, I would never have thought that. I just think of 'Cause like really my experience with Nevada is Vegas, and it's just like- Yeah ... the strip, right? And it's- 

Right ... 

flat, you know, and there's, I think there's, like, red- is it Red Rocks? Or like, um- Yep

there's like a canyon. So I've- I've sort of been near there, but for the most part, my memory of Nevada is pretty flat. 

Yeah, and it, and it's funny 'cause it is really flat in between all those mountains. Um, but- ... but, but then, so it's like this really, like, dynamic, uh, environment. And Vegas is really cool. Um, it, it's pretty far from us.

I think it's like an eight-hour drive. Um, but there's also... I was just down there a few months ago at a place called the Valley of Fire. And again, like, you think of, like, Vegas, you think of just, like, you know, sorry, but, like, hookers and, like, gambling and 

like- Yeah, there's just, like, basically all, all the, all the crap of, like, the country- Yeah

like, is all, like- Yeah ... poured into a seven-mile strip, and you just wanna- Yeah ... like, for me, it, th- this is no offense to people who live there. I, I, but I, I really just wanna take a really good shower after I, after I leave. Yeah. 

Yes, exactly. But 45 minutes from there is this place called Valley of Fire, and it was one of the most beautiful, unique landscapes I have ever been to.

Um, and, and then I... It's funny 'cause I was camping, so I came back and I actually took a shower at a truck stop in Vegas, and I was like, "I need to get out of here." Like, no, again, no offense to Vegas, people in Vegas, but I was just like, "Ugh, I need to be like-" Or, 

or, or, or truck stops, you know. Or truck stops.

So like... Yeah. Yes. 

But, uh, but yeah, I hear you. Um, Nevada's amazing and definitely, uh, undervalued and estimated, I think, from the general consensus. 

Yeah. I think there's, like, one I think there's like one predominant view of what, what the state is, and it's, yeah, it's all around Vegas, and what happens there stays there.

So- Uh, so knowing that you're outside of it and you- you're hanging with your friends and you're enjoying the public land, and say you're having a nice like picnic or a get-together, potluck perhaps, and they ask you, "Hey, Kate, what does America mean to you?" How, how do you respond? 

That's a really good question because it's both very simple and also very polluted.

Uh, and by- Okay ... polluted, I mean, like, a lot of things come up in my head that feel, um, contradictory. Um, but if I had to answer it simply, it is, it is freedom, which is cliche. But to me that means I, I, from the time I, um, you know, I have the, the privilege of from the time I was born to kind of deciding, like, who...

How do I wanna show up? Who do I want to be? Um, and where do I want to go? And I don't think- Mm ... that that's a given everywhere in the world. Um, and then here being in Nevada, like quite literally, I can be like, where do I want to go? Um, I can go beyond this land. Um, now the polluted part is like, I know that that isn't always true and certainly not consistent, and that's where it gets complicated, right?

So like freedom is the core of it, but there's so much complication with that phrase. 

Yeah. It's, well, we as a country, we're a little messy. Like democracy is messy almost by design. So like that messy part, that complicated part, it's not, it's not crystal clear and we're, we have to figure out how to shape it, right?

And- 

Yeah ... 

it, it will always, maybe it will always be somewhat murky. Um, we like to think like the times that we live in are the murkiest, right? You know, these are the toughest- Yeah ... times, but when you go back, it's, it was also a little, little fuzzy and a little messy and complicated or polluted, uh, even, even back in the beginning.

So, um, but I appreciate, I appreciate your response just around like, you know, it's a little bit of, um, you know, it's the yin and the yang almost. A little bit. I'm sort of stretching- Yeah ... that analogy a bit. But there's, you know, there's, there's freedom and opportunity and possibilities, as other people have shared, but it also is quite complicated, and that's what I'm sort of picking up as far as people's perspectives through the, the series.

So you, you mentioned the land, and we've talked about obviously the land of Nevada. And so we, we are a country where everyone has a story about this land or this country. You know, people, there are people here, um, generations before it was known as America. Uh, there are people who were forced here through slavery, and there are people who have family stories of immigration that have come here.

You know, I know my family came from, like, Ireland and England and whatever 23andMe told me I'm, I'm from so, um, but do, do you know much about your family's, uh, story w- with America or this land, Kate? 

Yeah, um, enough to be dangerous. No, I'm, I'm just kidding. Um, so half of my family, my mom's side, um, we came over on the Mayflower, so we're some of those- Oh, wow

earlier people. Yeah. Uh, my mom's very, uh, into, like, um, ancestry, and she's like, "I can find the, the people on the boat," you know? And I'm like, "Okay, that's cool." Um, and then on my dad's side, we're f- um, a family of, uh, immigration, and, um, my grandparents came over, um, from Europe after World War II. My grandfather, um, was Jewish.

My grandmother was not. Um, and so they survived the war, and they came over here. Um, they went to Rome first for a little bit and then came over here in the '50s. Um- Oh, wow ... and so to me, it's like- That goes back to that freedom, right? Like I think that, um, f- at the time they were saying, "We want to move somewhere where we can feel safe or we can feel more free."

And being here, um, for the most part allowed that of them, uh, or gave them a better chance at achieving that, so. 

Sure, yeah. Well, certainly having lived through what they lived through, this feeling like, uh, we wanna be somewhere where, where we can feel safe, that primal need as far as, you know, safety and security, all right?

So that just gives us a chance to, uh, create some space and, and, and maybe lean into life a little bit differently. So I can, yeah, definitely a- appreciate that. Um, so we have a country right now that we, we often talk about, like, how divided we are, right? And the people who wanna frame it, it's like the r- red states and the blue states, or the good people and the bad people, and all the, you know, like the black and white of it all.

And, you know, we talk about loneliness, and again, just that, um, separation. Um, but are there times where you feel really connected to, um, your fellow neighbor or maybe metaphorically speaking your neighbor, even when you know, like, you're in a group of people and I- not everyone's gon- going to agree. You know, there, there might be some disagreements.

So are, are there moments like that you've, you've experienced? 

So many. Um, so I'm smiling. It's, uh, we spent 10 years in the Bay Area and, you know, it's very homogen- it tends to be homogenous in terms of the political views, and they're, you know, it, it's very largely, um, liberal, uh, which, you know, I fully-- I more align with those values.

I find myself being more, um, somewhere in on the spectrum. Uh, but I guess, uh, what I'm saying is, like, it was homogenized to the point where if you kind of spoke up and presented an idea that might not fit into this, um, ideal, then it was, it was really uncomfortable, and it was really hard. And we moved, um, we moved to Reno, and I was apprehensive because Reno's a lot more purple.

We're split pretty evenly between red and blue. And I was like, "What's that gonna be like? Like, am I gonna feel uncomfortable? Am I gonna feel unsafe?" But what I actually found is that people here are very much like you do you. Your politics likely doesn't have a major impact on my life, I'm going to, like, respect you as a human.

And of course, not everyone's like this, but the vast majority of people seem to be more open to hearing about other people's experiences. It's very that you do you mentality. Um, and so I know there are people on the s- on the street that I live on that vote differently than me. In fact, if I could probably, like, map out our street, we're split evenly.

But everyone treats each other with kindness. They say hi, they smile. There's this guy down the street who I know probably votes differently than me, and he, every day he's out mowing his lawn and he takes all the garbage and recycling bins of his neighbors, every single one, and he scoots them back up into their driveways.

Like, these acts of kindness that it's like the human comes first- 

Yeah ... 

um, instead of what are your, what are your beliefs? And That to me is like, you know, when I read, when I read the news and I listen to the news, oh, we're so divided where it's like, ah, this against this, and then I go out and I be with my humans, and I'm like, it's actually not that divided.

And you know what I mean? 

Yeah. I li- I love the whole phrase be with my humans. You know, that's, I, what I experienced during my ride across the country is, you know, I, I rode through some very rural... Actually, most of the route was very rural America, and I live here in New Jersey outside of New York City, so very similar to maybe y- perspectives that you had in San Francisco.

Mm-hmm. 

And I would have to say that, you know, people were, like, very friendly, warm, uh, giving, supportive, uh, curious, and- Mm-hmm ... uh, with a lot of kindness and compassion, wishing me well on my journey, right? No one, no one was like w- wagging the finger at me like, "Ah, you're some, like, like liberal, like, East Coast person."

"You, uh... We don't like you, and we wish you ill." It was really quite the opposite, and I was like, okay, th- th- I go, that's the start. Like, we gotta start somewhere to have connections, and maybe it starts with recycling bins to say, hey, that's an act of kindness, and then through that, we build greater trust, and through trust, we can have conversations that may have conflict in them, but we can do it in a very civil way.

May- you know, that's, at least that's my hope, right? 

Totally, and I'd love to share really briefly, I had a really meaningful conversation just two days ago with someone, and it was about religion and faith. And- Oh ... we were coming to the table with different views, and I said upfront, like, "I fully honor and respect whatever journey you're on."

And we shared our beliefs, and we talked about it, and we didn't leave, like, believing what the other person did, but we said, "I love that it-- I love to hear about your journey." And it was so meaningful, um, and scary, and scary. I was like, "Oh my God- Yeah ... is she gonna hate me?" But she, she didn't. Like, she wants, she still wants to be friends, and how beautiful is that?

Yeah. 

That's great. That's great. You know, sometimes we let the conversation in our head get the best of us, so we think the other person's gonna show up in a certain way, and they show up not in the way that we expect, right? So if we can c- create some openness there, this like, hey, maybe there's a possibility that we can have a conversation on maybe a thorny topic but still figure it out and still appreciate our humanness once we get out of it.

So, uh, so one f- though the thing I use as a metaphor for our series is the Japanese art form of Kintsugi, where pottery breaks, and we put it back together and, and instead of hiding the cracks or the, the blemishes, they highlight them in gold, and they become symbols of our resilience and strength. So it's a coming together and, like, really- honoring what we've been through.

So when you think of that, like, that spirit, is there one thing that you would like to see us address, uh, to help us feel connected so w- maybe puts us in a position for, you know, healing and maybe growth, uh, downstream in that Kintsugi spirit? 

Yeah. And I think it's related to what we were just talking about.

I find myself having to be careful around what I listen to or engage with. Mm. And I'm, like, a very open book, and I'll, like, listen to all sorts of things, and then I'll be like, um, "Oh, I was listening to such and such," and somebody will be like, "Wait, isn't that a per- person associated with this?" 

Yeah. 

And it's like, and then it becomes this fear thing.

And so for me, I think what I would fix is, like, detaching the separateness from the human and allowing- Mm ... to... And, and just because you're listening, uh, to someone doesn't mean that, um, that you're gonna completely change who you are or change your views. It's like being more open to hearing the other side and not having so much fear or judgment.

Like, I think that's the thing I would change. 

Yeah, being able to sit with, like, a different perspective and, and- Yeah ... that, that could be uncomfortable, but we, like, find a way to sit in the discomfort a bit, and there might be some growth. You might end up saying, like, "Oh yeah," like, you know, "I'm-- I do not agree with that perspective."

Yeah. Or it might just shift it enough and, you know, if we shift enough, then yeah, I think we have a chance of seeing each other a little bit better. So I, like... Thanks for sharing that. I think that's a good one for all of us to work on. So one of the things I've been doing in the series as a way to pass the baton from, like, guest to guest is I've been asking the person before you if they have a question for, for you, Kate.

So I chatted with Francesca yesterday. She's living in Rhode Island. So her question is this one: What's one thing you can do today... I love the whole action. This isn't, like, philosophical. It's like, hey, what's one thing you can do right now today that can really honor your, um, either physical, mental, or relationship health?

Yeah. So many examples are coming into mind. Um, the biggest thing that I have been doing, um, and c- and will do, continue to do, is learning to listen to myself. Ah. Uh, learning to listen to my inner voice, um, because that is the, to me, has been the biggest transformation to allow me to be more of who I am and a better person for myself, my family, and my community.

Um, so I think that that is the biggest and the best thing I can do. 

I love that. There's something powerful to be able to listen to your body. Um, like, you know, it's just like ... and our body and mind are, like, one big ecosystem, but, like, when we tune in to that, the, the body has a way of whispering things to us before it really turns up the volume.

So if we can get better at that, I think we, you know, w- we can, um, we can take steps towards, like, really, uh, helping and supporting our overall, our overall health. So I, I love that you shared that. So what question do you have for the next person I chat with in this series? 

Oh, my goodness. You have this shirt behind you that's, is screaming joy, and I absolutely love it.

Yeah. 

Um, because I think that we are ... I am c- like, trying, realizing that it's har- it's very easy to lose sight of joy. Um, we get so busy. So I think my question is, um, how do you find joy in your life? 

Oh, okay. Awesome. I will definitely ask that question of the next person I chat with in this series. Um, I'm obviously with this shirt that I have behind me, it's right up my alley, so I can't wait to ask that of someone else.

So Kate, thank you so much for joining me in this series and all that you're doing to put a good ripple effect into the world and helping us become a more perfectly imperfect union. I'm psyched that we were able to do this, so thank you so much. 

Yeah. Thank you so much for your time.

I'm so grateful that I came across Kate's profile and we were able to connect. We could have spoken for hours about a whole bunch of different topics that we have in common. I love her energy and where she is right now, looking to put a beautiful ripple into the world. I also love her question about joy.

So how about you? How do you find joy in your life? Let me know below in the comment section. And as always, thanks for being here. Thank you for listening. And I hope you'll check out the rest of our series as we travel around America speaking to everyday folks who are trying to figure it out, but taking steps to do so on their reflections as America turns 250.

And don't forget to also tune into my Whole Again episodes. They're all designed to help you step into the person you're becoming and live a meaningful life. But until all that, let's remember to celebrate our scars as golden symbols of our strength and resilience, and don't forget to have fun storming the castle.

And if you wish to learn more about creating beautiful ripples and how to prevent a bad moment from turning into a bad day, please visit my website, michaelobrienshift.com, and sign up for my newsletter called The Ripple Effect. And join us each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday here at Whole Again, and discover how you can heal, grow, and become more resilient, and celebrate our scars as golden symbols of strength and resilience.

Until then, remember, you can always come back to your breath. You've got this, and we've got you.

Key Takeaways

Kate Quay defines freedom as the simplest answer to what America means to her, while acknowledging that freedom has never been equally distributed.

Kate moved from the Bay Area to Reno and found that the political diversity of Reno's purple streets made her feel more connected, not less.

Kate believes that detaching people from their politics might be what heals America.

The "A Perfectly Imperfect Union" series runs between May and October with conversations airing every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does America mean to Kate Quay?

Kate believes freedom is the simplest answer to what America means to her, though she acknowledges this answer gets complicated because freedom has never been equally distributed.

How did moving to Reno affect Kate's sense of connection?

Moving from the Bay Area's political homogeneity to Reno's purple streets made her feel more connected, not less.

What question does Kate pose to the next guest?

Kate's question is: How do you find joy in your life?

When does the "A Perfectly Imperfect Union" series air?

The series runs between May and October with conversations airing every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday.