A Perfectly Imperfect Union: Reflecting on America 250 with Francesca Raoelison-Basso

<p> Hey there. It's Michael. Welcome to Whole Again, the show that's here in support of you creating a meaningful life and the person you're becoming. And I'm excited to share a new series with you that will air this summer as America turns 250 years old, which is still pretty young relative to many other countries across this big blue marble that we all share.</p>
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<p>The series is called A Perfectly Imperfect Union. In 2022, I rode my bike across America from Astoria, Oregon, to the Lincoln Memorial. My wife drove our RV, and she had two co-pilots, Jester and Hope, two springer spaniels And when we did it, America was coming out of the pandemic and we were hurting.</p>
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<p>Hurting from things that had happened prior to the pandemic, of course, going through what we all went through. And at that time, and this is something I still believe today, is that we were entering an inflection point. An inflection point for us to hopefully pause, breathe, and reflect on who we wish to become as individuals, as communities, and as a country.</p>
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<p>As I pedaled across America, I wanted to share America's beauty with others, her natural beauty and the beauty of her people. And I also wanted to share where we were hurting As America turns 250, I believe Kintsugi, which is something we use as a metaphor here at Whole Again, is a perfect metaphor for where we are as a country.</p>
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<p>There's so much beauty to celebrate, and we can also acknowledge that parts of us feel broken or are broken. But we can find a way to come back together, just like Kintsugi teaches us. And when we do, we don't try to erase or cover up where we have scars or blemishes. We highlight them in gold, and we celebrate them as symbols of our strength and resilience.</p>
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<p>Kintsugi is called the golden repair, and in essence, we can see beauty in something that's perfectly imperfect. During this series, I plan to speak to at least two people in each state and the District of Columbia, so 102 conversations with real folk, as I like to say. We're gonna let the celebrities and the big influencers have their day somewhere else, but here I wanna reach out and talk to real people and listen to their reflections as they think about America turning 250 years old.</p>
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<p>And my hope is, is that you'll tune in to at least one, if not all 102, 'cause my theory going into this is that you'll hear different perspectives. Some may be aligned with yours, others may not. But my hope is that you hear the goodness in your fellow citizens and realize, as Maya Angelou shared with us, "We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike."</p>
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<p>We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. I've had the privilege of traveling all over the world and all over this country, and this belief is something that I hold deep inside of me. So yes, I do believe that we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. So if you're ready to get to know one of your fellow neighbors who is perfectly imperfect like all of us, take a healthy breath in and a slow releasing breath out and get to know Francesca Rollison</p>
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<p>Ah, Francesca, my friend, so good to see you. Thanks for doing this. Thanks for accepting a random outreach by me and joining me here on A Perfectly Imperfect Union. </p>
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<p>It's my pleasure. Uh, thank you so much for reaching out. Actually, um, there's a little story around this, but, uh, maybe if I can share it real quick.</p>
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<p>Yeah, that would be great. Yeah, please do share. Yeah. </p>
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<p>So I've been going through this, um, this program about allowing ourselves, giving ourself permission to just be more visible, because with visibility would potentially come more, with more opportunities. And then I started posting videos about the work that I do, about who I am, and then here, here you are three days after that reaching out.</p>
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<p>And that's why I was curious that when you reached out, I was like, "How did you find me?" And then I was reporting back to the, uh, coaching program. I was like, "I already have someone who reached out for a podcast." So I was just, yeah, this is... </p>
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<p>Wow, that's so great. I love it. You know, I just, you know, I was searching, and, uh, you- we can thank the LinkedIn algorithm.</p>
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<p>You popped up. I clicked into your profile. I'm like, "Who is this person?" And I, um, there was a warmth, and obviously the work you're doing is fantastic, and I was like, "I need to reach out." And so I'm so glad you accepted. So can you take a moment to introduce yourself, and also let us know, like, where you're calling from, calling in from?</p>
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<p>Yes, of course. So I am Francesca Raulison. Francesca here, I say Francesca. In Madagascar, you say Francesca. Okay. All right, </p>
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<p>cool. </p>
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<p>Um, I'm originally from Madagascar, and, um, I, uh, have been here in the US, um, for 12 years now, and Rhode Island is my second home. </p>
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<p>Wow. Very cool. Very cool. So what is something...</p>
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<p>'Cause this is a big country Unlike Madagascar. So this is a big country. Not everyone's been to every state in the US. So if someone hasn't been to Rhode Island, what's something that's really cool or special about Rhode Island that people might not know about? </p>
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<p>Oh, this is gonna be very subjective because- Sure</p>
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<p>you know, like I said, I'm from Madagascar. It felt like right away Rhode Island reminded me of Madagascar. Oh, wow. </p>
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<p>Okay. </p>
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<p>And in a way because it, it's small enough, but, you know, it's the smallest states. Um, and it feels small enough that you can actually kind of know... It's not like you know each other, but you can bump into somebody that you met at an event another day, and it's, it's a, a little bit like that in Madagascar.</p>
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<p>You, you get to know people very quickly since we're an island as well. And, uh, but it's not that I know everybody, but it's more likely I would meet somebody that I met a few weeks or months ago. And, uh, I would say just the community overall, um, that has been such a big part of my, my daily life overall, and I really appreciate that here.</p>
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<p>I've met people Uh, who genuinely wanted to just help and connect and just introduce, introduce me to other people, especially, uh, as I was moving here. And of course, the ocean. </p>
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<p>Yes. Right? Yeah, the Ocean State, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, it's nice. It's, like, so... On the coast there, it's just so gorgeous. </p>
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<p>It is. It is.</p>
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<p>Yeah. It was a time where I wanted to... Uh, at the time I didn't get to finish, you know, exploring all Rhode Island, and I was visiting for, I don't remember if it was an event in California, and I was like, "I want to move to California," and I was like- ... set on it. But then my best friend came to Rhode Island, and we got, I got to show her around, and I was like, "Why did I want to go to California when all of that is actually here?"</p>
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<p>So- </p>
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<p>Yeah. </p>
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<p>Yeah. Yeah. Definitely, I love it here. </p>
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<p>Oh, that's so awesome. Yeah, my youngest, when she was growing up, she so wanted to go to California for college, and she did. </p>
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<p>Yeah. </p>
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<p>And she was like, "I'm gonna, I'm gonna leave the East Coast. I'm gonna go to California." And- </p>
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<p>Yeah ... </p>
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<p>for the record, love California and love all the people there.</p>
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<p>Mm-hmm. And so she went there, you know, she did her four years in, at school out in California, but she was like, "I'm moving back c- closer to the East Coast," 'cause what she missed was just the change of seasons. And so you have, you have the beautiful water and the vistas from Rhode Island, but you also have all the different seasons, and there's something about fall or autumn here in, in the New England area that's just absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous.</p>
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<p>And so, uh, so I... And I'm, I, I love the fact that you have, like, a good sense of community too, so, um, so which is really, which is really nice. So, so if you're ga- gathered around, like, your community members and, you know, friends that you've met there in Rhode Island, and they ask you, "Hey, Francesca, what's the America Dream?"</p>
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<p>Like, how would you define what the America, American Dream is? </p>
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<p>Ooh. Well, I grew up watching, you know, those shows, watching, um, people at, in the shows, for example, this is just a concrete example, going to schools like Harvard and Brown and... That was, like, maybe 15 years ago, and I looked at it, I was just like, "Oh my gosh, it feels so unattainable."</p>
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<p>And then- If you have told me that 10 years, 10 years ago I would end up going to Brown, it would just be like, um, like, uh, so, so, so ina- unimaginable. But what I'm trying to say is that before moving here, I really thought that the American dream was, uh, mostly about success, like people working hard, building career, work, like achieving that financial stability, I would say.</p>
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<p>Uh, I still think that those things, they matter. Uh, but living here really changed that definition because, um, today I would say that I think it's really about possibility. Um, the possibility that your past doesn't have to define your future. Because I'm, I'm someone who grew up in Madagascar. I moved here as an international student.</p>
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<p>I learned English as my third language, and eventually, eventually I built a, a life and an organization that is doing wo- work Um, on the other side of the world Yeah ... while doing some of it here. And I, I never could have, you know, imagined any of that. And but all of that didn't happen, you know, alone either.</p>
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<p>I've had so many support from professors, mentors, friends, coaches, and, um, complete strangers as well, believing in me and believe in the belief of, of in myself, I would say. So I would say that is the American dream for me now. </p>
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<p>Thanks for sharing. And, like, like, such great work, you know, halfway around the planet, but here locally as well.</p>
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<p>And- </p>
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<p>Yeah ... </p>
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<p>part of your story is around this connection of people, of, you know, friends that you've met- </p>
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<p>Mm-hmm ... </p>
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<p>uh, here now, uh, complete strangers. Yeah. So it, it- w- was there a, like, a particular moment? I'm, I'm sure there's plenty. But is there one moment that comes to mind where you felt, like, really connected?</p>
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<p>You're like, you, you've come here and you're like, "Yeah, I, I feel like this is, like, part of, like, home for me now." </p>
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<p>Yeah, it took, I would say it took a little bit of time. And when, when I'm thinking about that question, there are so many, you know, events that, and moments that are coming to mind. But one of them, I would say first, is that my aunt was here when I first came, so it's not like I started from zero and that I...</p>
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<p>She, she really helped me navigate, um, so many things here. And the Malagasy community that I had here while I was just figuring out what this new life was going to be for me. Um, and along the way, I would say all of the, I have so many people actually in mind, but feeling like I belonged was with people who understood where I came from.</p>
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<p>That could be Malagasy community, that could be other immigrants or other people who just had in, uh, like, so much compassion that, um, they understood that I, I left everything back home. Sure. And it's like I started all over again. I didn't speak the language. So, uh, having that grace for myself, but for people who extended that grace to me as well, I could find that in so many people along my journey.</p>
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<p>Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing that. You know, it just takes- W- what I imagine just unbelievable courage to move from one place to a new place and leave everything behind, and also just that hope and optimism that, okay, w- we're gonna take this step forward, and we're gonna s- step into a chance for, as you mentioned earlier, greater possibilities or opportunities.</p>
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<p>And I lo- and I love the fact that you, um, paid tribute to grace. I think that's something that we could all do a better job of offering grace to ourselves when things get tough and offering grace to each other because we're all going, uh, going through something. And so as you know, I use the Japanese art form of Kintsugi as a metaphor for this series.</p>
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<p>Also, it's a metaphor for my overall podcast called Whole Again. So is there a moment where you've had, um, a, a moment of struggle, a, a chance where you might feel like, uh, broken apart, but you, you found a way to come back together, you know, sort of in that resilience you've fallen down but you've gotten back up again?</p>
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<p>Yeah. </p>
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<p>Uh, like, what's that moment for you, and w- what did, what did that teach you about yourself? </p>
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<p>Yes, I love that question because, like you said, it, it talks about healing. Um, and uh, for me, the story that comes to mind is, um, my... the origin story of how I started the organization. So as, um, as a survivor of verbal, emotional, and psychological violence, that is something that I grew up Not knowing what it was, and it was especially at home with my dad and also in my other relationships, but it started there.</p>
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<p>And for me, it took me to study psychology and be trained, uh, around all sorts of violence to put a name on this type of violence. And at the time, I remember I, I chose psychology because I wanted to understand myself, I wanted to understand others. And then when I started putting a name on the problem, it was like a puzzle that I started to put together that, oh my gosh, that's why I was so...</p>
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<p>You know, my self-esteem was so low. I was this very shy person with a very, um, low self-esteem and mental health, I would say, struggles. And when I learned about it, I f- was so fascinated by the topic. I even... I went through the training. I watched a video and then I brought the video to my dad and I was like, "Let's, let's look at this together."</p>
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<p>I thought, like, if somebody who had the authority to talk about it in a way that it was objective could share about it. Let, let's say, let's see what it says, he s- he says about it versus me, you know, um, blaming or pointing fingers. And then we looked at it. I said what he... I asked him what he thought about it, and he s- he said it is, it's wrong.</p>
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<p>And then I was like, "Okay, Dad, but you know, you're doing this to us at home." And of course, he lashed out in Uh, he, yeah, he, he just, um, denied it. And, but, uh, it took us, it took him a month. Um, I think he talked to my mom, and then he came back to my brother's, my mom and I, and he apologized, and he said that he did it, he acknowledged it, and that is that, the same thing.</p>
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<p>And at the time I was learning about inter- intergenerational trauma, and I was like, "Oh my gosh, it makes sense now." And from there, um, I was learning about emotional literacy, about trauma literacy, and I was, like, bringing some of the tools every weekend. Uh, I was in the US, he was in Madagascar, so we would do that over S- Skype.</p>
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<p>And I would basically, uh, use some of the tools to help us be more self-aware, to have hard conversations, to repair relationships. And I think it took us five years until he said, "I love you" for the first time to, to us. Wow. And, um, that allowed me that, that healing that started with him, but also the dynamics and the healing process for my family started, and I realized that it's possible to break the cycle, to s- to stop it with us.</p>
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<p>And that became my organization. I learned so much throughout the journey, my own healing journey, um, how I became this overachiever in my own, you know- </p>
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<p>Yeah ... </p>
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<p>my success, if we could say that, but- </p>
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<p>Sure ... uh- Yeah, no, we can say that, yeah. </p>
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<p>Yeah. But he, he, like, externally, but internally was a lot of approval that I was trying to, to f- to feel out through those achievements.</p>
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<p>But throughout my own healing journey, I, I realized that that approval I, I needed to give to myself, and I have- Yeah ... been working on that. And I would say that is the main, like, the biggest Learn, like, the nuggets of lesson that I took away from that </p>
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<p>Wow. Thanks for sharing that story. Uh, that's beautiful.</p>
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<p>I mentioned earlier it took cu- courage to come here, but the courage that you had to bring this to your dad, you know, given, you know, your past history with him. Mm. That, that's, uh, just incredible and just the fact that you stayed in it and he stayed in it and, you know, he continued to, like, think about it and noodle it and it took time.</p>
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<p>You know, a lot of these things don't happen overnight. They don't happen with one conversation. We gotta find a way to stay in the discomfort, and when we do then stories like y- yours are possible where you can come back around and then he expresses love to you guys in a, in a different way than maybe how he was taught what love looked like, right?</p>
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<p>From his, his father and his, you know, probably his father from his father, right? And so, uh, that must have been a really special moment when he expressed his love in that way to you guys. </p>
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<p>Exactly. Thank you for reflecting that back. Uh, yeah, sometimes I, yeah, it, it takes time and I'm not saying that my family's perfect.</p>
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<p>We're still going back to those moments where it's like- Yes. ... you know, explosion. But we have come a long way and we are more, I would say, intentional but also feeling like we're more equipped and we have stopped on our end, we have stopped taking things personally, thinking that we were the problem. That we understand that people are, you know, navigating their own feelings and that projection is not ours.</p>
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<p>And my dad also understand that it is something that he has inherited without, you know, wanting that in the first place either. </p>
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<p>Sure. Yeah. Well, as we know, you know in your studies, I, I know personally through my life challenges, is that healing is not a linear path. There are ups and downs and twists and turns and some days we get it right and some days w- it feels like we take three steps backwards but we s- again stay, stay with it and w- when we stay with it there are, there are possibilities.</p>
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<p>So, so when you think about hope, and we've talked about hope a little bit as you've come here, w- when, when you think about this country celebrating its 250th, uh, anniversary or birthday, what do you most hope for, for the US? Uh, your hope for America, what would that be? </p>
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<p>I would say my biggest hope in coming back to, uh, uh, the conversation earlier is, is really to To have more people become more emotionally aware and also literate, I would say.</p>
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<p>So having- Mm ... those tools for people, it's not like we want people to agree with one another always. It's not that. It, it's more, um, how we learn to stay curious about one another. You know, because when we're cur- curious, we ask questions, uh, before making those different assumptions that can be hurtful. We listen before we judge.</p>
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<p>Um, that can be either in the family, in the classroom, in the workplace, or an entire country. Um, I think healthier relationships begin with those small moments, those tools that we can, we need to learn because, yes, all of the other, um, subjects in schools are very important, and this one should be as important as well.</p>
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<p>Yeah. We should, yeah, we definitely should teach, teach children and teach adults how to have better conversation where, where there's, there's a curiosity. There's also space, space to just be, to reflect, uh, not to judge, uh, all those different qualities that you mentioned. So speaking of questions and curiosity, I've been asking the person before you in this whole series if they have a question for the next guest.</p>
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<p>So this morning I had a chance to sit down with Scott from North Dakota, and his question to you is, outside your friend and family circle and, you know, hometown now, what is, what is something that brings you joy? So he's ... The question's really about opening up our experiences a bit further. So what's something that brings you joy outside of those that are closest to you?</p>
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<p>Mm-hmm. I love that question because it reminds me right away about things that I've done when I was younger That I've kind of, like, forgot to do, like playing. Playing, having fun, and, and singing. Singing has been one of the- Ah, yes ... things that I've been loving to do and, and that I've, you know, I haven't done in years.</p>
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<p>And, uh, actually I was reminded there was, um, there was a ... I used to record covers of songs and- </p>
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<p>Okay ... </p>
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<p>I stumbled on one of them, I think, a month ago, a few weeks ago. And I listened to it and I ... It just brought me to another universe of just, like, you know, on, um, how do you say that? It just felt like Relief- Yeah</p>
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<p>spaciousness, playfulness. Yeah, so I think that is definitely something that I remember I loved to do that I forgot a little- </p>
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<p>Yeah ... </p>
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<p>um, and that I would love to- I love </p>
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<p>that ... </p>
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<p>bring </p>
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<p>back. Yeah. Well, music I like to think is medicine, and just singing and dancing and a- all, all that, like, can just bring us, like, immense joy and al- almost, like, give us a state of bliss, you know?</p>
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<p>Like that, that feeling that's... It's, uh, one of those natural highs, if you will. So I, I love, I love that, what you shared. So what question, Francesca, do you have for the next person I chat with in our series? </p>
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<p>Well, uh, one that comes to mind around wellbeing, how do you take care of yourself? That or what is one thing you can do for yourself today?</p>
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<p>Hmm. Mm-hmm. I like that. Now that one really bring, br- brings up the, like, action. Like, like, besides just, like, thinking about it, it's like today, like, what's one... I like to think of it in terms of like what's one small step you can take- </p>
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<p>Yeah ... </p>
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<p>to honor your health, whether that's your physical, emotional, mental, or even relationship health.</p>
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<p>What's one thing you can do? Well, I will definitely ask the next person I chat with in our series that question, and I, I wanna thank you for putting a beautiful ripple effect in the world and just taking some of your hardships that you've gone through- </p>
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<p>Mm-hmm ... </p>
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<p>in your young adult life right now, so, uh, and, you know, turning it into something that's making the world a bit better and, and helping us, uh, form a more perfectly imperfect union here.</p>
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<p>So thank you so much for joining me, and thanks again for accepting that random outreach that I gave you a few weeks ago. So, um, I appreciate you. </p>
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<p>My pleasure. Thank you so much for having me.</p>
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<p>Isn't Francesca great? I just love her energy. I love what she's doing in the world. What a great ripple effect. And I love her question because it's really about taking action today. So how about you? What's one thing you can do today that can honor your mental, emotional, or physical health? Let me know in the comments section.</p>
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<p>And as always, thank you for being here. Thank you for listening, and I hope you'll check out the rest of our series as we travel around America speaking to everyday folks trying to figure this out, but taking steps to do so, like Francesca, about their reflections of America as she's turned 250. And don't forget to check out the episodes I have for you on Whole Again.</p>
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<p>They're all designed to help you step into the person you're becoming and help you create a meaningful life. But until all that, let's celebrate our scars as golden symbols of our strength and resilience, and don't forget to have fun storming the castle.</p>
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<p>And if you wish to learn more about creating beautiful ripples and how to prevent a bad moment from turning into a bad day, please visit my website, michaelobrienshift.com, and sign up for my newsletter called The Ripple Effect. And join us each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday here at Whole Again, and discover how you can heal, grow, and become more resilient, and celebrate our scars as golden symbols of strength and resilience.</p>
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<p>Until then, remember, you can always come back to your breath. You've got this, and we've got you.</p>