A Perfectly Imperfect Union: Reflecting on America 250 with Cora Howard
The Whole Again Podcast: Mindfulness and Resilience through Kinstugi Wisdom airs every Monday, Wednesday and Friday with Pause Breathe Reflect Microdose Meditations, Growth Mindset and Mindfulness Tips, to help us transform our scars into healing and resilience.
And between May and October, I'm sharing a new series I'm calling: A Perfectly Imperfect Union. It's about connecting with every day folks as they reflect on America at 250. Conversations will air every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.
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What are you really saying in the dark that you haven't said out loud yet?
That's the question Cora Howard puts on the table. Cora is a coach from small-town Alabama who helps mothers face their unprocessed emotions so those emotions stop quietly running their lives and their relationships.
In this episode of A Perfectly Imperfect Union, Cora shares why she believes America's biggest wound isn't political, it's conversational. We don't listen to understand. We listen to defend. She also offers something quietly powerful: the idea that healing starts not with a megaphone or a social media post, but with the things we need to say to ourselves in the mirror, and then to the right people, at the right time.
Her wish for America on its 250th birthday?
To be the change for all nations. She believes it starts with us.
If you've ever said something into the void and still felt unheard, or held something in the dark that needed light, Cora's conversation will meet you right there. She brings warmth, honesty, and a strawberry cheesecake to America's birthday table.
You can connect with Cora through her Substack. Here's the link.
Before you go, Cora has a question for you:
What are you dealing with in the dark that you haven't brought into the light yet?
Share your thoughts in the comments and share this episode with someone you love.
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<p> Hey there, it's Michael. Welcome to Whole Again, the show that's here in support of you creating a meaningful life and the person you're becoming. And I'm excited to share a new series with you that will air this summer as America turns 250 years old, which is still pretty young relative to many other countries across this big blue marble that we all share.</p>
<p></p>
<p>The series is called A Perfectly Imperfect Union. In 2022, I rode my bike across America from Astoria, Oregon to the Lincoln Memorial. My wife drove our RV and she had two co-pilots, Chester and Hope, two Springer Spaniels And when we did it, America was coming out of the pandemic and we were hurting.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Hurting from things that had happened prior to the pandemic, of course, going through what we all went through. And at that time, and this is something I still believe today, is that we were entering an inflection point. An inflection point for us to hopefully pause, breathe, and reflect on who we wish to become as individuals, as communities, and as a country.</p>
<p></p>
<p>As I pedaled across America, I wanted to share America's beauty with others, her natural beauty and the beauty of her people. And I also wanted to share where we were hurting As America turns 250, I believe Kintsugi, which is something we use as a metaphor here at Whole Again, is a perfect metaphor for where we are as a country.</p>
<p></p>
<p>There's so much beauty to celebrate, and we can also acknowledge that parts of us feel broken or are broken, but we can find a way to come back together, just like Kintsugi teaches us. And when we do, we don't try to erase or cover up where we have scars or blemishes. We highlight them in gold, and we celebrate them as symbols of our strength and resilience.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Kintsugi is called the golden repair, and in essence, we can see beauty in something that's perfectly imperfect. During this series, I plan to speak to at least two people in each state and the District of Columbia. So 102 conversations with real folk, as I like to say. We're gonna let the celebrities and the big influencers have their day somewhere else.</p>
<p></p>
<p>But here, I want to reach out and talk to real people and listen to their reflections as they think about America turning 250 years old. And my hope is, is that you'll tune in to at least one, if not all 102. Because my theory going into this is that you'll hear different perspectives. Some may be aligned with yours.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Others may not. But my hope is that you hear the goodness in your fellow citizens and realize, as Maya Angelou shared with us, we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. I've had the privilege of traveling all over the world and all over this country, and this belief is something that I hold deep inside of me.</p>
<p></p>
<p>So yes, I do believe that we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. So if you're ready to get to know one of your fellow neighbors, take a healthy breath in and a slow releasing breath out and get to know Cora Howard.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Hey, Cora. Welcome to A Perfectly Imperfect Union series. I'm so glad that we get to spend some time together, so welcome. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Thank you. Thank you for having me. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Yeah, I really love the work that you're doing. And those that are unfamiliar with it, I was hoping you could take a moment to introduce yourself and also let people know where, where are you coming from?</p>
<p></p>
<p>Where, what state do you represent in our big union here? </p>
<p></p>
<p>Okay. Um, I'm from, uh, Alabama, a little cute small town in Alabama, and it's not as country as one would imagine. Um, I help mothers who have unprocessed emotions kinda face them and deal with them so it doesn't interrupt motherhood, their business, and their relationships.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Oh, I love that. That's, uh, so, so needed. Um, as I mentioned to you before we hit record, my wife is a childbirth doula, so, uh, we, uh... I find myself... Uh, this is something I never thought I would really experience in my lifetime, but I know so much more about birth and just the struggles that moms have after childbirth.</p>
<p></p>
<p>You know, there's so many great, like, picture moments of how wonderful it is, but it is also- Mm-hmm ... for, for many women it's a struggle. And so, um, it's really cool that you're offering support to those, those moms. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Thank you. It's rewarding. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Yeah. Yeah. It's a... I imagine, um, people really do appreciate the connection that they have, they have with you because of it.</p>
<p></p>
<p>So, um, so for those that, um, don't know Alabama, because we have a big state- ... a big country rather, and not everyone's been to every state- Share something really special about Alabama for those that may not know how great it is. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Well, for the whole, um, here in, I live in the southern half near the Gulf of Mexico.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Um, so we're, it's really big on college football, like football, like high school football is really big. Like everybody's a sports fanatic, ironically.</p>
<p></p>
<p>So we're not all, uh, on the farm or tending to animals. Like we're at bars and at parties having tailgates, like that's a thing that happens during football season. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Well, I've been to five Iron Bowls, which is the matchup between Auburn and Alabama. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Mm-hmm. </p>
<p></p>
<p>And I will validate what you just shared. People in Alabama love their football.</p>
<p></p>
<p>It's crazy. Like college football and high school football, 'cause you don't have a pro team, it is like religion- </p>
<p></p>
<p>Yeah. ... </p>
<p></p>
<p>down in Alabama, and something I, I was actually was sort of foreign to 'cause I'm up here in the northeast, which is more about pro football But you guys take it to a whole new level, so-</p>
<p></p>
<p>whole new level. It's, it's hard to understand unless you experience it, so I encourage people to get down to Alabama, so. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Yeah. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Uh, so the next question I have for you is I'd l- love for you to picture yourself, maybe you're around a fire pit with your friends. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Mm-hmm. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Maybe football game just happened, who knows?</p>
<p></p>
<p>But we- you're with family and friends, and they will, uh, ask you this question: What does America mean to you? And so Cora, I'd love to know, like, how would you re- would respond to that? </p>
<p></p>
<p>Um, I would say America is home, the home of possibilities and opportunities. Um, it's our roots where we can pretty much make anything out of nothing 'cause I believe that we live in a country that almost anything is possible.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Yes, you have to work, yes, you have to network, yes, you have to kinda navigate it, but it's there. And even though the world is how it is, I feel like when you form a bond with someone, you, you're able to go further. And in this country, that's possible for you to meet people from, you know, California, New York, even if it's by the computer or social media.</p>
<p></p>
<p>It's like everyone's willing to help one another. So it's like a, we're rooted in opportunities, family, growth, 'cause you can meet a friend who becomes a family on the other side of the country. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Yeah, I love that. Right now, like, you're down in Alabama and I'm up in New Jersey, and- ... until, like, a few minutes ago, we really hadn't connected, you know?</p>
<p></p>
<p>It's, I found your work on Substack, and I'll put the link to your Substack in the show notes, but I was so inspired by it. I was like, "I have to reach out to this woman," and I'm so glad you decided to, like, say yes, which wasn't ne- necessarily a given because, again, that came out of left field. And so now here we are-</p>
<p></p>
<p>connected, which is pretty cool. So when you think, when you think about the ideal, like, I know as citizens, we all probably have an ideal of what we believe America can be, and then we have, like, where she happens to be right now. So when you think about that, like, the ideal of America in your mind and where we are right now, where do you see the tension or the, the challenging points that's, that are keeping us from reaching that ultimate potential that you see?</p>
<p></p>
<p>Okay. S- I would say, um, we don't listen to understand the other person that disagrees with us. I think that is the biggest thing. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Mm. </p>
<p></p>
<p>We're so quick to say, "My point is right. My point of view is the only point of view that matters." But when I go to different places around the country, like I went to Texas last year for the very first time, and I'm just talking to these people, and I like to observe people.</p>
<p></p>
<p>That's one of my things. Um, but I just notice when I'm having a conversation with people that I don't know, it's easier to, for them to listen to me and understand me, even if I disagree with them, but it's an open conversation. But then when you're around people that you're around all the time, which is people in your hometown, and you openly disagree, it's kinda like, no, like, this is how we, you know, believe in this community.</p>
<p></p>
<p>This is what we're supposed to do. And it's like if we would just take time to just listen to what the other person has to say and understand where they're coming from, that would make a big difference. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Yeah, I think it would, like, calm the waters a bit, just to listen. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Mm-hmm. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Someone that I chatted with earlier in the series said to listen, to connect, and understand, which is what you're saying.</p>
<p></p>
<p>It's like if we just take that time, I think sometimes we're going so quick. Mm-hmm. We're rushing onto the next thing. We don't take the time to truly listen to Our neighbor and our, our family members or colleagues- Yeah ... that we're so, we're so quick to move on or to, to, or to defend our position. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Mm-hmm.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Very much. </p>
<p></p>
<p>So as you think about making America stronger, I use the Kintsugi Japanese pottery as a metaphor for the series. So in that, in that spirit, the pottery breaks, but it comes back together, and we can paint that, those scar lines with gold, and it becomes a golden repair. So as you think about something that you would like to address, to repair if you will, it doesn't have to be perfect, but maybe meaningful, what's one thing you would like to help America repair to help it get closer to that ideal?</p>
<p></p>
<p>Dealing with the things that bother us in the dark. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Oh, can you share more about that? </p>
<p></p>
<p>Yeah, so like the things that we think about when we go to sleep at night, the things that give us anxiety, the... 'Cause now with social media, the things that we normally feel scared to say out loud or shameful or embarrassed, we just get on there and say it.</p>
<p></p>
<p>But then when we hear what all these people have to say to us, we go hide, we delete our accounts. But it's like you said it, you should feel kinda free But you're not. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Huh. </p>
<p></p>
<p>So did you say it in the outlet it needed to be said? Did you say it to the people who needed to be said to? Did you forgive it? Did you work on yourself in the dark to be able to come out into the light and say what you need to say?</p>
<p></p>
<p>That's a great, great concept. Are you saying the things that need to be said to the people that you need to say them to? </p>
<p></p>
<p>Mm-hmm. </p>
<p></p>
<p>As opposed to, like, the whole world, right? So sometimes when you share with the whole world, it's like- Yeah. ... you didn't need to share with everyone, but maybe it's just- Yeah ... this one person or maybe a group of people.</p>
<p></p>
<p>That's where the share is, and having that discernment. </p>
<p></p>
<p>And sometimes all you need to do is look in the mirror and say it to yourself, and that's it. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Absolutely. Yeah, you change the conversation- ... that you have with yourself, or you change the story you tell yourself about yourself, and then you bring it out into the light, and </p>
<p></p>
<p>it- Mm-hmm</p>
<p></p>
<p>the, the energy around it changes when it's in the light. When it's kept in the dark, it can really grab, grab us and influence- Yeah ... how we, how we show up in the world. Wow, that's cool. I like that. Mm-hmm. So with any birthday, there's a little celebration. So with a celebration, we generally have cake on birthdays.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Mm-hmm. </p>
<p></p>
<p>So this is a two-part question. What cake are you serving for America's 250th birthday? And since we have 250 candles to burn, to blow out, uh, what's a wish that you have for America? </p>
<p></p>
<p>Okay. I don't really eat cake. Um, </p>
<p></p>
<p>That's okay. So if you have something else that you would prefer, hey, like we're open to all perspectives, Cora.</p>
<p></p>
<p>So it doesn't have to be monolithic cake eating culture. </p>
<p></p>
<p>I'd probably do a strawberry cheesecake </p>
<p></p>
<p>Oh, that's pretty good. I like that. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Yes. </p>
<p></p>
<p>I like that. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Yes. And what was the second part of the question? </p>
<p></p>
<p>So if you had a, if you, you're blowing out the candles on this strawberry cheesecake and you get to make a wish, as we d- do, most people do on birthdays, what do you wish for?</p>
<p></p>
<p>To, for America to be the change of all nations, all nations. 'Cause it start, I think it starts with us. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Mm. </p>
<p></p>
<p>I believe it starts with us. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Yeah. We have a great, we have great influence. I think we, to that point, we create the ripple effect. A- not to get too- Mm-hmm ... like centric on the US and too f- full of ourselves, but- </p>
<p></p>
<p>Yeah</p>
<p></p>
<p>what we do in the world definitely has , it creates a ripple effect around the world in a good way and in not so pleasant ways. So yeah, I'm with you on that. So one of your fellow neighbors from another state, Michelle from Arizona, although she does live in New Jersey, but she's claiming Arizona for the series, I asked her what she wanted to ask you, and her question to you is, "What are you currently binging?"</p>
<p></p>
<p>I binge-watched The Pitt, um, because I was behind and I said, "Okay, I'm just gonna watch it," and then I watched it all the way up until like, I think I had a couple days before the finale, but it was worth it. </p>
<p></p>
<p>So do you re- do you re- so you recommend The Pitt? I have not started The Pitt, but- </p>
<p></p>
<p>Yes. I'm not a doctor.</p>
<p></p>
<p>I never wanted to be a doctor because seeing blood like grosses me out. Um- ... and the first time I've ever seen someone get hurt at, in elementary school and there were like blood everywhere, I had to like walk away 'cause I think I almost fainted and my teacher was just like, "You probably wouldn't survive in a hospital setting."</p>
<p></p>
<p>I was like, "I don't think so." But I'm obsessed with hospital shows and I was like, I've watched Grey's Anatomy, great Grey's Anatomy fan. I've watched ER and I started re-watching it for the third time and then I was like- Oh wow ... "What's The Pitt?" And so- All </p>
<p></p>
<p>right ... I'm </p>
<p></p>
<p>watching The Pitt now. That's </p>
<p></p>
<p>all right.</p>
<p></p>
<p>I like, I like it. And hey, you know, it's good early in life to realize The things that maybe you're not meant to grow up to be, you know? So we- ... we're all trying to figure out, like, what am I supposed to be when I grow up? And sometimes we figure out what we don't want to be. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Yeah. </p>
<p></p>
<p>And that helps us figure out what we want to do.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Yeah. So it's good that you had that lesson early on, and you can simply watch the dramas about ER and hospitals- Yeah ... and doctors and, and that, that might be just enough of a satisfaction. </p>
<p></p>
<p>I'm still not able to watch some of those surgeries on there. I have to, like, fast-forward it or, like, hide my face. </p>
<p></p>
<p>I don't think, I don't think you're alone in the whole, like, eh, not so crazy about the sight of blood.</p>
<p></p>
<p>So you have- Yeah ... plenty of company. So you get to ask a question of the next person I chat with- </p>
<p></p>
<p>Okay ... </p>
<p></p>
<p>who will be Susan from Pennsylvania. So what question would you like to ask of Susan? </p>
<p></p>
<p>What does she think the possibilities are for the next generation that our generation didn't have? And I would say probably the generation of the millennials and the generation before it.</p>
<p></p>
<p>The new possibilities for the next generation. I like that. I will ask her that question, and we'll hear her answer when her conversation gets released. I am so psyched that we got to do this. Thanks for saying yes to a random outreach. And now we have a connection, so I really appreciate you being on the Perfectly Imperfect series that I'm doing.</p>
<p></p>
<p>And thank you for having me.</p>
<p></p>
<p>I hope you enjoyed getting to know one of your fellow neighbors from Alabama, Cora Howard. I hope you'll check out her sub stack if what she writes about speaks to you. And I love her wish for America. What came up when she shared it was the ripple effect that America has on the rest of the world. Not to get too US-centric, but we do have influence and how we show up as a country matters.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Of course, I think we all know that if we really want to come together, it will take more than just wishing. It will take action. And maybe that action starts with a conversation, a conversation that allows us to be fully seen, heard, and appreciated, or I would say loved, one human to another, even if we don't see the world the same way.</p>
<p></p>
<p>I believe that 97% of people are good. There's a like-heartedness in that goodness. And if we lead with our heart, we can be open to different mindedness. That's how we can come together and form a more perfectly imperfect union. If today's conversation resonated with you, I hope you'll share it with someone you know.</p>
<p></p>
<p>And if either you or someone you know would like to join me for a conversation, please reach out. And until our next episode in our Perfectly Imperfect Union series, let's remember to celebrate our scars as golden symbols of our strength and resilience. Happy birthday, America. And don't forget to have fun storming the castle.</p>
<p></p>
<p>And if you wish to learn more about creating beautiful ripples and how to prevent a bad moment from turning into a bad day, please visit my website, michaelobrienshift.com, and sign up for my newsletter called The Ripple Effect. And join us each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday here at Whole Again, and discover how you can heal, grow, and become more resilient, and celebrate our scars as golden symbols of strength and resilience.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Until then, remember, you can always come back to your breath. You've got this, and we've got you</p>
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