A Perfectly Imperfect Union: Reflecting on America 250 with Celia Jarest

<p> Hey there, it's Michael. Welcome to Whole Again, the show that's here in support of you creating a meaningful life and the person you're becoming. And I'm excited to share a new series with you that will air this summer as America turns 250 years old, which is still pretty young relative to many other countries across this big blue marble that we all share.</p>
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<p>The series is called A Perfectly Imperfect Union. In 2022, I rode my bike across America from Astoria, Oregon, to the Lincoln Memorial. My wife drove our RV, and she had two co-pilots, Jester and Hope, two springer spaniels And when we did it, America was coming out of the pandemic and we were hurting.</p>
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<p>Hurting from things that had happened prior to the pandemic, of course, going through what we all went through. And at that time, and this is something I still believe today, is that we were entering an inflection point. An inflection point for us to hopefully pause, breathe, and reflect on who we wish to become as individuals, as communities, and as a country.</p>
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<p>As I pedaled across America, I wanted to share America's beauty with others, her natural beauty and the beauty of her people. And I also wanted to share where we were hurting As America turns 250, I believe Kintsugi, which is something we use as a metaphor here at Whole Again, is a perfect metaphor for where we are as a country.</p>
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<p>There's so much beauty to celebrate, and we can also acknowledge that parts of us feel broken or are broken. But we can find a way to come back together, just like Kintsugi teaches us. And when we do, we don't try to erase or cover up where we have scars or blemishes. We highlight them in gold, and we celebrate them as symbols of our strength and resilience.</p>
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<p>Kintsugi is called the golden repair, and in essence, we can see beauty in something that's perfectly imperfect. During this series, I plan to speak to at least two people in each state and the District of Columbia, so 102 conversations with real folk, as I like to say. We're gonna let the celebrities and the big influencers have their day somewhere else.</p>
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<p>But here, I wanna reach out and talk to real people and listen to their reflections as they think about America turning 250 years old. And my hope is, is that you'll tune in to at least one, if not all 102. 'Cause my theory going into this is that you'll hear different perspectives. Some may be aligned with yours, others may not.</p>
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<p>But my hope is that you hear the goodness in your fellow citizens and realize, as Maya Angelou shared with us, "We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike." We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. I've had the privilege of traveling all over the world and all over this country, and this belief is something that I hold deep inside of me.</p>
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<p>So yes, I do believe that we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. So if you're ready to get to know one of your perfectly imperfect neighbors, like all of us, take a healthy breath in and a slow releasing breath out and get to know Celia </p>
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<p>Jaris.</p>
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<p>Celia, hi, my friend. So good to see you. Thanks for joining me here on A Perfectly Imperfect Union, and I will say thank you for ac- accepting a random outreach- ... on LinkedIn from some dude from New Jersey. So I'm, I'm glad that we're connected here. </p>
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<p>Yes, I'm glad you reached out too. You never know where these things lead.</p>
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<p>Yes, we have a little bit in common, a little pharma industry experience, a love for sunflowers, and we will see what else unfolds in our conversation. So for those that don't even know those facts about you as far as your corporate experience and your love for sunflowers, can you take a moment to introduce yourself?</p>
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<p>And also, where are you calling in from? What state in this wonderful country of ours? </p>
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<p>Um, so my name is Celia. Um, I am the host of the podcast, Sunflowers: Grow Through What You Go Through. Um, and I'm calling in from New Hampshire. Um, and my corporate experience with pharma is, um, it goes back maybe about six or seven years now.</p>
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<p>Um, so I've been in that GMP field for a little bit. Um, but I'm also a single mom of three. Um- Mm-hmm. </p>
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<p>Yeah ... </p>
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<p>and so I'm trying to blend that creative childlike energy that I have in my life. Um, and I'm actually trying to navigate away from that corporate America and more into that free flow of life type thing.</p>
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<p>Um, but I've also gone through a lot, um, in my own life, which is where the Sunflowers Grow Through What You Go Through podcast comes from. Um, I've had a lot of childhood, uh, stuff, and so that podcast really focuses on inner child healing, um, parenting through that, um, being, um, a single mom in a marriage, and then kinda navigating that divorce and move out process while healing and going through all that yucky stuff as well.</p>
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<p>Wow. That's so... I, I, I really do appreciate how you've taken s- some of maybe the harder, more challenging moments of your past and now are trying to show up in a way to help others, uh, through, through their own experiences. And what you mentioned too just about, like, some of our childhood trauma, whether it's small T trauma or big T trauma- </p>
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<p>Mm-hmm</p>
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<p>how they can manifest as parents and, and k- really can come out in our parenting. And so I love the fact that clearly you're doing the work to help yourself heal, but also now extending it out to others. So, uh, well, well done. Bravo. </p>
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<p>Thank you. </p>
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<p>Yeah. So I, I have a tender place in my heart because my Grammy in the mountains, that's what we call her, uh, was, uh, stationed up in New Hampshire.</p>
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<p>So she lived up in New Hampshire after, after she, she moved to Massachusetts. And growing up we had, for whatever reason, we had her license plate In our garage, you know, we, we tack it up in our garage, and I kept on, I d- was always looking at it like, "Live free or die, live free or die," right? So the motto of New Hampshire.</p>
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<p>Yes. But New Ham- New Hampshire has a, again, a, a tender place in my heart 'cause I think of my Grammy and how she taught me how to play solitaire and card games- Yes ... and stuff like that. So for those that don't know New Hampshire, though, uh, what's something that's really cool about it? Because we live in a big country- We do</p>
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<p>and not everyone's been to every state. So, uh, what's something that's really cool about New Hampshire that people might not know about? </p>
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<p>So the live free or die hard is a motto that we take to the grave. Um, if you are a New Hampshire native like I am, um, I was born and raised in Peterborough, and then I spent another good portion of my childhood in Stoddard.</p>
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<p>Um, but I've also been, like, in and around different parts of the state, so I've kind of been in the Concord area. I lived in Derry, currently in Fitzwilliam. Um, so the further you get up into Ham- New Hampshire, like towards the White Mountains and stuff, that's really where you're gonna find a lot of the native, um, older rooted people.</p>
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<p>Southern New Hampshire, um, over the last 20 years or so, um, we've had a lot of, um- It mi- migrants from like Massachusetts </p>
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<p>Massachusetts. It feels more like B- well, yeah, I'll say it for you. I think I know where you're going with this. It sort of feels like Boston- Yes ... you know, in, in Massachusetts and not in New Hampshire.</p>
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<p>And no disrespect to those from the great Commonwealth of Massachusetts, but- </p>
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<p>Exactly ... </p>
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<p>stay down there. Let us have New Hampshire- </p>
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<p>Yes ... </p>
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<p>the way we do New Hampshire. Yeah. Is that sort of what you're trying to get to the, in so many words or less? Yeah. </p>
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<p>Yeah. And like people moved to New Hampshire because they love the feel, they love the motto, they, they love- Sure</p>
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<p>how, you know, the natives of New Hampshire, you know, let me do what I'm gonna do. Don't tell me to wear a bike helmet. Don't tell me to wear a seatbelt. Yep. I, I wanna light my fireworks off. I wanna have the bonfire in my backyard without you telling me how I should be doing it. Yes. Um, that's why a lot of people move to New Hampshire.</p>
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<p>But at the same- Sure. Yeah ... but at the same time, you know, the politics of Southern, Southern New Hampshire have also started changing to reflect where people have come from, which is not a bad thing, but that's kinda where you get the discord that you're seeing right now in New Hampshire is you you have like, well, you moved here because you liked our values, but now you're trying to change our value.</p>
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<p>Like, </p>
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<p>mm- Yeah. Well- What, what is going on? Well, isn't that... And we, we tend to do that as, as humans. We're like- Yes ... we're like, I- I'm gonna... I, I can't wait to get out of this place. This place is driving me crazy. I'm gonna go to this place that I f- you know, I, I just love this about this state, and then we bring our baggage from- Yes</p>
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<p>from our past experience. Which again, could be a great metaphor for life, that we tend to bring our baggage- Yes. </p>
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<p>Exactly ... </p>
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<p>uh, from season to season. And every now and again, we just... It would be good just to leave some of our bags behind, so as we, as we move forward. Letting </p>
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<p>go is really hard for people to do.</p>
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<p>Absolutely. It's a lot easier to put up on Instagram, "Hey, just let it go." But it's... We, we love to cling to some of those old ways of thinking and, and, and be- You never know </p>
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<p>when you might need the baggage from 10 years ago. Abso- </p>
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<p>absolutely. Absolutely. So if you were gathered around maybe some of the old-timers of northern New Hampshire- </p>
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<p>Yeah</p>
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<p>up near Mount Washington. Yeah. I had a great experience climbing my bike up Mount Washington. That is a crazy, crazy bike event. Um, so if you're around talking to them about the good old days in New Hampshire, but maybe like America today, what... And they ask you, "Hey, what does America mean to you today?" How would you respond?</p>
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<p>America means something different for everybody. For me</p>
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<p>It's changed over the years too. As I've gotten older, it's changed. Um, and I know this is gonna sound a little corny, um, but we really are the land of opportunity. Um, and I was watching all the viral videos from the FIFA World Cup. Granted, I'm not, like, into that at all, but those videos were so wholesome for so many different reasons that all the things these tourists and visitors were just amazed at are things that we who live in America take for granted Um, and I think we should put a lot of value on all these things that someone who doesn't live here is like, "Wow, you get this and you get that, and oh my gosh, you can go here and you can do that, and look at all these stores, and this is just so big."</p>
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<p>Um, I think for us it was kind of a reality check. And so for me, it really is the land of opportunity, but you have to have the right mindset in order to see those opportunities. And I think that World Cup really put us into a different mindset, even in our own individual lives. Um, for me, I watched them, I watched all these videos, and it was great to realize that Walmart- Yes</p>
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<p>Walmart that I take for granted is something I should be grateful for. </p>
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<p>Um- Yeah, it, yeah, people were going crazy about Walmart and I believe ranch dressing. </p>
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<p>Yes. </p>
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<p>Yeah. Yes. Like, it like I think even the makers of ranch dressing, which I don't know the brand name off the top of my head- </p>
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<p>Hidden </p>
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<p>Valley- </p>
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<p>Actually cr-</p>
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<p>I think it is. </p>
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<p>Yeah, Hidden Valley. They, I, if I heard this right, they created a three-ounce bottle of ranch dressing so people could pack it in their bags to- Huh ... carry, carry home. Yeah. I </p>
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<p>love that. </p>
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<p>Yeah. So who would've thunk that ranch dressing would be the huge hit? But I live, to your point around Walmart, I live in New Jersey, not too far away for, from where they had the, one of the competitions at the Meadowlands, the New Jersey/New York stadium, and there's a huge mall, the American Dream Mall.</p>
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<p>Oh. And it's massive. And it's, it is American consumerism at its finest. You know, there's a rollercoaster inside, there's water slides, and people were going crazy about that place. </p>
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<p>And I love that. Yeah. I absolutely love that. And like, it's only in America are you gonna find- Only ... something like that. </p>
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<p>Only in America, absolutely.</p>
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<p>So we all have a story, I mean, sometimes a, a family story about this country or this land. You know, some people's family story h- started well before this land was known as America. Uh, in some cases, uh, people were forced here through slavery, and that's their family story about the country. And then the, we have a whole bunch of immigration stories about people coming from other places and landing here and st- starting a new life and tapping into the opportunity.</p>
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<p>Do you know much about your family's Origin story with the country? </p>
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<p>So my mother's side is French Canadian, so that much- Okay ... I do know. </p>
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<p>All right. </p>
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<p>Um, specifics, I don't really know specifics, um, but they did orig- originate from Canada and migrated down. Um, I think on my father's side, we came over on the Mayflower originally.</p>
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<p>Oh, wow. </p>
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<p>All right. </p>
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<p>Don't take my word for it. </p>
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<p>Okay. No, that's okay. That's okay. Yeah. Um- I, well, we'll, but we'll go with it. </p>
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<p>Yeah. Um, but that's really where they came from, and so I guess my family's been here for a while. Um </p>
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<p>Yeah, you, you, you've laid down some roots. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. So, uh, yeah, part of our family, my wife's side, they also took that path, uh, up in Canada, French Canadian, uh, came over from Scotland.</p>
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<p>Yeah. </p>
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<p>Went in through, I think Montreal- Yeah ... down through Ottawa, and then ended up, uh, out west. So I'm- </p>
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<p>Wow, </p>
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<p>there you go ... I'm always fascinated. My- on my side of the family, we don't know too much, so I always love asking what other people know or don't know. Yeah. Um, because, you know, our, our past, as we've already talked about, sort of, you know, it stays with us, you know, from generation to generation, so, uh.</p>
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<p>It does, yeah. </p>
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<p>So where, when do you feel most connected? You know, we talk a lot about the country today and how we might be isolated or divided, you know, separate. A lot of different words are used. </p>
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<p>Yes. </p>
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<p>So with all that, you know, purple states and blue states and red states, all that jazz, when do you feel most connected to your fellow American or your fellow neighbor, maybe even metaphorically speaking, even when you might have a different worldview than them?</p>
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<p>Honestly, at work. I've-- I kinda live two lives a little bit. </p>
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<p>Okay. Right. </p>
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<p>Um, I'm from New Hampshire, but I went to college in Massachusetts, and a lot of my jobs have been in Massachusetts. </p>
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<p>Sure. </p>
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<p>Yeah. And so coming from a small town in New Hampshire, um, it was a big culture shock to go to college in Massachusetts.</p>
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<p>Um, but I honestly love it. I love working in Mass. I love learning in Massachusetts because it is a melting pot, and I get exposed to so many different people and backgrounds. Um, and I'm very grateful to be able to work in Massachusetts and live in New Hampshire. New Hampshire really grounds me because people in New Hampshire, um, we like to be kind of isolated, um, in our own little personal bubbles.</p>
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<p>And for me, going through my own, like, healing journey and raising ki- I need that. Um, and but working in Massachusetts exposes me to different people, different areas of the world. Like, I'm not a big traveler, never have. Never-- I haven't been able to travel, and so being exposed to all these different backgrounds at work kinda allows me to see the world through their eyes.</p>
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<p>Um, I may not personally experience it, but they all have stories, and they all have history of families and where they come from and why they came here. Um, and so that's also really grounding. Um- And yeah, I just really like that a lot. </p>
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<p>I, I do feel that we all need our own practice- Yes ... to help us feel grounded because current day it can feel like the ground is moving beneath us.</p>
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<p>So it could be getting into some quiet moments in New Hampshire, getting closer to the White Mountains and the groundedness that the mountains provide. But then for other people, they feel most grounded with a whole bunch of others and the energy and, uh, you know, perhaps they're an extrovert and they, they need that.</p>
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<p>That's how they refuel and recharge. You know, to that point where you're with a whole bunch of people at work, all your colleagues, and you see all these different perspectives. There was a meeting I had years ago, this goes back maybe 20 years ago, and I was speaking with a colleague who had come to this country from India.</p>
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<p>Yep. </p>
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<p>And I was bemoaning the ugliness of the part of New Jersey. New Jersey gets a bad rap, but the part where it's sort of ugly is right near the airport, Newark Airport, and there's rail- railways, the turnpike, there's shipping, there's, there's the airport itself, all that. And it's not, it's not the prettiest scene.</p>
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<p>It's not the Garden State, if you will. And I was like, "Yeah, it's sort of ugly. It's like a bad place to land 'cause that's a lot of people's first introduction to New Jersey." And he said, "Well, you know, I have a different perspective on that." </p>
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<p>Mm. "</p>
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<p>Because I see, like, all this movement and things moving and connecting and..."</p>
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<p>He goes, "For me it's, it, it f- makes me feel, like, less alone when I see all that type of infrastructure at work making connections to, from people to other people, whether it's in the state or across the country or across the world." And I was like, "Oh, I like your perspective better than mine." So- Yeah ... so, so, yeah.</p>
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<p>Beautiful. And so when you're with people like that, it's, it's a great, and I feel like a safe way to shift- shift your perspective on something and perhaps see it, uh, completely different. So- Yeah ... on this whole idea and this concept of connecting, I'm using the Japanese art form and philosophy of Kintsugi, recognizing that we will all have challenges, much like your podcast.</p>
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<p>You know, we, we'll go, we'll have crack, moments where we crack or break, but we can find a way to grow. We can come back together, we can heal. Yep. And instead of hiding from those events in our lives, we dust them with gold and they become the golden repair, right? We celebrate them. They're signs of our, uh, strength and resilience.</p>
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<p>So if you could take a moment to work on something that could help us feel more connected, uh, help us heal perhaps, help us grow from that, uh, maybe not in a perfect way, but in a meaningful first step, what would it be for you? </p>
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<p>It's gonna sound a little negative at first, but- </p>
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<p>That's okay ... </p>
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<p>it's not. Um, I think fear, I think we all live in fear.</p>
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<p>Hmm. </p>
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<p>Whether we recognize it or not, fear is what motivates us as people. </p>
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<p>Sure. Yeah. </p>
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<p>We are afraid of being judged. We're afraid of not fitting in. We're afraid of not being enough, not having a place, not accomplishing, not having... It's, it's all fear-based systems. That's kinda what this world operates is from a fear-based system.</p>
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<p>And so for me, part of my own healing was addressing fear, and part of my healing from my childhood was realizing I have complex PTSD, and so that is a, is, that affects you as a, a whole individual. And so for me, recognizing my fear is connected to literally everything I do in my life was mind-blowing. </p>
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<p>Hmm.</p>
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<p>Um, because, okay, I'm afraid of being shamed. Okay, shamed by who? My family, other people, coworkers, myself? And so I think once we recognize where that fear is- We need to be gentle and empathetic and compassionate with us and with others. And again, the, the, it's, it's a deep dive, so we also need to set boundaries with ourselves.</p>
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<p>Don't overextend to someone who's gonna be disrespectful. Why are you seeking validation from them? Where's that fear of, "Hmm, I need to be accepted by them"? No, you need to be accepted by you. And so having boundaries with ourself to stop seeking that validation from someone who doesn't actually care enough to be empathetic or compassionate with you, you pull it back.</p>
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<p>So definitely not perfect, definitely a lot of work. Not everyone's gonna do it. Not everyone's gonna care enough to do it or want to do it because it's a painful journey. But if we stopped or did the best we could to stop fueling the fear-based programming and society we live in, I think that would go a long way.</p>
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<p>I love that concept, that idea. Oh, we do have this reptilian part of our brain- </p>
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<p>We do ... </p>
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<p>that's h- hardwired to, for us to stay alive. Yeah. And so we are going to s- s- you know, give a disproportional amount of our attention and our energy- </p>
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<p>Mm-hmm ... </p>
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<p>to things that are scary that might actually get in the way of staying alive.</p>
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<p>And so we know this through social media, we know this through the news, uh, a lot, and some of the messages just in overall marketing are fear-based. Like, you need this in order to feel whole. You need this in order to be worthy. Right. You need this or you'll lose status, and if you lose status, you'll lose income.</p>
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<p>If you lose income, you'll lose your house, and then you'll be a man down by the river in a van doing motivational talks, right? So it's, like 'cause it... And then we're also really good at storytelling, and so when we get in a state of worry or fear, we can create these elaborate stories that may or may not be true.</p>
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<p>So yeah, addressing this, like just sort of checking in with ourselves to start Off, what I heard in your response too was, like offer yourself some grace and some- </p>
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<p>Yeah ... </p>
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<p>self-compassion. Uh, start there. You know, and, and as we get better at giving this to ourselves, then we can be hopefully better at extending it to others.</p>
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<p>Uh, and, and, and, and for some people, it might start with others, and then we come back to ourselves. Everyone's a bit different, but, um, a bit more grace, a bit more compassion and empathy, and understanding that a lot of our thinking and a lot of our behavior is grounded in fear, and we don't n-not... You know, there are some things to be fearful f-of, right?</p>
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<p>I mean, we, we want to be wise, but, uh, we also, um, can understand that we are enough and we are worthy just as one human to another. And so, uh, yeah, I love that. So in this series, I've been doing a little baton passing. I've been asking the person before you if they have a question for you, and in turn, you get to ask a question of the next person I chat with.</p>
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<p>So last week I was speaking with Jeffrey from South Dakota, so he has two questions. </p>
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<p>Okay. </p>
<p></p>
<p>One is a fun one 'cause he's, you know, from South Dakota and often hears that, "Ah, I've never been to South Dakota." So he wants to know, have you been to South Dakota? </p>
<p></p>
<p>No. Um, I have not been to South Dakota. Um, honestly, I haven't done a lot of traveling in America.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Um, that is a goal at some point on my bucket list to do more traveling around the States. </p>
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<p>All right. So he says the door is open to anyone- Okay ... who co- wants to come to visit. And his second question though is probably more the heart of his question in the series. It's what's the best bit of advice you've ever received?</p>
<p></p>
<p>And I love that question, and it's actually something I reflect on a lot, especially since I've started on this motherhood healing journey. Um, it was years ago when I recently graduated college and I was contracting, and I was working down in Boston at a research facility, and my contract was coming up.</p>
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<p>And, um, the supervisor came to me because she knew where my next assignment was gonna be. And she, she looked at me, and she's like, "I'm really sorry we couldn't keep you, but I want you to remember that the, the next place you're going to is a lot bigger than here. There's a lot more people. It's a different dynamic.</p>
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<p>Um, but don't ever lose yourself Don't forget who you are. And I reflect on that a lot. And within this journey, I even tell myself, "Don't lose yourself. Don't forget who you are." Um, because it can be very easy to get lost and to lose yourself, and to give those parts of yourself away to other people who shouldn't have those parts.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Great, great advice from that supervisor. Very, a very kind thing to offer up in that very tender moment where you, yeah, you ... There's some worry, a natural worry to. So for her to say that, I think that's sage advice for any of us as we go forward. So- </p>
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<p>Yeah ... </p>
<p></p>
<p>what question do you have for the next person I chat with?</p>
<p></p>
<p>What is a piece of yourself that you will not back down and you will defend and fight for? That no matter what, there is this piece of you that you are willing to go to war for. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Mm. All right. I will ask the next person I chat with in our Perfectly Imperfect series that very question. Thank you so much.</p>
<p></p>
<p>This has been awesome. Yeah. I so enjoyed our conversation, and thank you for putting your ripple effect into the world and through your, through your work, through your podcast, and helping us become a perfect, more perfectly imperfect as a, as a country. I so appreciate you. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for reaching out.</p>
<p></p>
<p>Thank you for inviting me. This was absolutely wonderful. Um, and I look forward to more opportunities. </p>
<p></p>
<p>Awesome. Peace.</p>
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<p>Let me tell you, any Sunflower fan is A-okay in my book. I loved my conversation with Celia. I love how she brought in the concept of fear and the need to feel safe. And in today's world, it can feel really scary. But in order to really live into the ripple effect that we all have the potential to do or the potential to create, we need to feel safe.</p>
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<p>It's hard to move forward if we're in a fear state. And I love her question around what would we go to war over? What would we defend when we think about our own personal identity, our belief systems? Love that question. So let me know your thoughts. What did you take from what Celia offered up? And as always, thanks for being here.</p>
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<p>Thanks for being part of the community. And I hope you're checking out the rest of our series because I've had the privilege of talking to some amazing humans all across this great country of ours. And of course, I'll have new episodes of Whole Again throughout the week for you, so you can step into the person you're becoming and live a meaningful life.</p>
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<p>But until those come out, let's remember to celebrate our scars as golden symbols of our strength and resilience.</p>
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<p>And if you wish to learn more about creating beautiful ripples and how to prevent a bad moment from turning into a bad day, please visit my website, michaelobrienshift.com, and sign up for my newsletter called The Ripple Effect. And join us each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday here at Whole Again, and discover how you can heal, grow, and become more resilient, and celebrate our scars as golden symbols of strength and resilience.</p>
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<p>Until then, remember, you can always come back to your breath. You've got this, and we've got you.</p>