A Perfectly Imperfect Union: Reflecting on America 250 with Brian Dubow

<p> Hey there, it's Michael. Welcome to Whole Again, the show that's here in support of you creating a meaningful life and the person you're becoming. And I'm excited to share a new series with you that will air this summer as America turns 250 years old, which is still pretty young relative to many other countries across this big blue marble that we all share.</p>
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<p>The series is called A Perfectly Imperfect Union. In 2022, I rode my bike across America from Astoria, Oregon to the Lincoln Memorial. My wife drove our RV and she had two co-pilots, Jester and Hope, two springer spaniels. And when we did it, America was coming out of the pandemic and we were hurting.</p>
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<p>Hurting from things that had happened prior to the pandemic, of course, going through what we all went through. And at that time, and this is something I still believe today, is that we were entering an inflection point. An inflection point for us to hopefully pause, breathe and reflect on who we wish to become as individuals, as communities and as a country.</p>
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<p>As I pedaled across America, I wanted to share America's beauty with others, her natural beauty and the beauty of her people. And I also wanted to share where we were hurting. As America turns 250, I believe Kintsugi, which is something we use as a metaphor here at Whole Again, is a perfect metaphor for where we are as a country.</p>
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<p>There's so much beauty to celebrate and we can also acknowledge that parts of us feel broken or are broken, but we can find a way to come back together just like Kintsugi teaches us. And when we do, we don't try to erase or cover up where we have scars or blemishes. We highlight them in gold and we celebrate them as symbols of our strength and resilience.</p>
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<p>Kintsugi is called the golden repair and in essence we can see beauty in something that's perfectly imperfect During this series, I plan to speak to at least two people in each state and the District of Columbia. So 102 conversations with real folk, as I like to say. We're gonna let the celebrities and the big influencers have their day somewhere else, but here I wanna reach out and talk to real people and listen to their reflections as they think about America turning 250 years old.</p>
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<p>And my hope is, is that you'll tune in to at least one, if not all 102, 'cause my theory going into this is that you'll hear different perspectives. Some may be aligned with yours, others may not. But my hope is that you hear the goodness in your fellow citizens and realize, as Maya Angelou shared with us, "We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike."</p>
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<p>We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. I've had the privilege of traveling all over the world and all over this country, and this belief is something that I hold deep inside of me. So yes, I do believe that we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. So if you're ready to get to know one of your fellow neighbors, take a healthy breath in and a slow releasing breath out, and get to know Brian Dubeau.</p>
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<p>Brian, my </p>
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<p>friend, so good to see you. Welcome. You too, Michael. It's always, uh... You make me happy. When I see your face- I feel like- ... it puts a smile on my face. </p>
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<p>Well, I, you know, like mutual happiness, like when your email comes across, I'm like, "Oh, yeah, that's Brian." I f- it feels good. It's a, it's a warm fuzzy feeling, so I'm so glad we, uh, get to do this.</p>
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<p>So for those that don't know you, can you take a moment to introduce yourself? And where, where do you live? </p>
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<p>In this big country of ours This big country. So my name is Brian Dubeau. I am the founder of a business called Hit of Happiness. I am a certified happiness trainer and coach, so I do coaching, I do keynote speaking on happiness and stress and relationships, and then I teach at UCLA.</p>
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<p>I teach a class called Alive, and it's all about helping people figure out what makes them feel alive. Um, beyond work, I also, I bond with Michael a lot in that we're both endurance athletes. I do marathons and ultramarathons and triathlons and that kind of fun stuff. Um, and then where I... Right now I'm coming to you live from Santa Monica, California, Michael.</p>
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<p>Oh, that's a good place to come, come into this, uh, podcast interview with. That's pretty awesome. And speaking of happy and UCLA, UCLA's campus must be happy because the women won March Madness in basketball, so that's pretty cool. And- </p>
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<p>That, that was a fun win. That, that was a big win- Yeah, that was a good win</p>
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<p>for the campus. I was root- I </p>
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<p>was rooting for the Bruins. That's pretty, that was a pretty good, uh, victory. So California, are you f- from </p>
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<p>there originally? Originally from Miami. Uh- Okay ... Miami, Florida. Then I lived in New York City for many years after college, and then I moved to L- I moved to LA to do my MBA at UCLA and, uh, once I got a taste of the weather it was really tough to leave, Michael.</p>
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<p>Absolutely. Absolutely. I love the motto of California. It's Eureka, which is all about discovery, so we're gonna discover a little bit more. And for those that have never been to California, you know, as I mentioned upfront, this is a big country and not every person in this country has gone to every state.</p>
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<p>We're, we're not huge travelers. So for people that might know California from the movies or from social media or the news, but have never been to California, what, what makes it special, in addition to the great weather and the sunshine and the ocean and all that jazz? </p>
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<p>You know, that was part of what I was going to say.</p>
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<p>I- it's the, it's the mountains meeting the sea. You know, I grew up- Ah ... in Florida, where it's all flat. And, you know, it is beautiful beaches, but there's something amazing about standing on top of a bluff, you know, a few hundred feet up, and the ocean is right there. And, you know, you see mountains in the background in Malibu or wherever else.</p>
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<p>Um, so visually, I, I think it- there's nowhere more beautiful. And then as an active person, to have all the trails, to have just this natural beauty to engage with every day. You know, my past city that I lived in was New York City, and New York is an unbelievable city in its own right. Um, but in terms of the things to do, they aren't necessarily around being active, in my opinion, unless you really seek it out.</p>
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<p>It's more so the best eating and drinking and, and entertainment in the country. Um, so I, as someone who's in a phase where I love to prioritize my health and wellness, I love to get outside, I think there's nowhere better than California. </p>
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<p>I love it. The people in New York, 'cause I'm living here, they all come over the bridge to New Jersey to ride their bikes, so That's right.</p>
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<p>Even though, even though New York is filled with, like, great bike lanes. And I think in California there's a thing of, like, skiing in the morning and then surfing in the afternoon, or maybe it's surfing in the morning and skiing in the afternoon. Like, to do those two activities in one day is, like, a very, I think it's a California merit badge, if I have that right.</p>
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<p>That's right. That's right. You can ski in, at Big Bear, which is about two hours from LA, in the morning. Uh, and you can surf in the afternoon. And, uh, there's very few places you can do that, so it's a cool experience. </p>
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<p>That's pretty cool. So I want you to imagine you're at a big picnic table. Yep. We're coming into the summer.</p>
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<p>You got your friends, you got your family, maybe you got some of the colleagues at UCLA. They're all around, and you guys are having a good time. There's good food. There's good music. And someone will ask you, "Hey, Brian, what does America mean to you?" How do you respond? Mm. </p>
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<p>The first word that comes up to me, Michael, is freedom.</p>
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<p>Um- Mm ... and I know it says it on the Declaration of Independence, but, but I- I think that what is unique to me about America is that we have the freedom to do what we want, and any, the, bec- as a result, anything is possible. You know? Someone who's very poor can become a billionaire. Someone who comes from, you know, a family of, you know, one- caste can enter another caste.</p>
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<p>I know in, in other countries, in India or wherever else, you know, you're limited in your upward mobility and in how you can go about this life. I think in America, anything is possible. So it's the land of the free. Um, I also think there's something about the fact that in the, in the Declaration of Independence, we have the pursuit of happiness.</p>
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<p>As a happiness coach, you know, it's, it's a place where we can pursue our happiness. I'm not sure that the pursuit of happiness always leads to happiness, but it's, you know, it's founded on this ideology that we are free to live life on our own terms, and that's really special. And ho- honestly, uh, of course, we're living in unique times where people are s- questioning if that's still true.</p>
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<p>But, uh, I'm a big believer that with the right mentality and the right discipline, we can build any life we want in America, and that's really, really special because I believe that we are all creators, and the highest form of creativity is life design. </p>
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<p>Mm. No, I like that. I like that what you just shared.</p>
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<p>That's, uh... Yeah, that really gets us into a mode of action- Mm ... of creation. Uh, so it's not, it's not just passive. We're not just sitting back hoping it will happen for us. We, we do need to lean in and do something to create the ripple f- effect that we want to create and, uh, allow or help the country step into that big vision we have for it.</p>
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<p>So I w- also wanted to ask you, when you think about where we are now, you sort of just alluded to our interesting times, and I think for every generation- Yeah ... they would say, "We live in interesting times," and we certainly do today. So when you think about where we are today and where we could go, what we could become, if you will, as a country, do you see any particular tensions that are getting in the way of where we are now and maybe an ideal?</p>
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<p>Yes. Um, you know, I think there's a lot of tension. Um, the first thing that comes to mind for me, though, Michael, is that we're being fed negativity all the time. Like, like we're being fed this disconnection. We're being told how polarizing and how awful things are in the world all the time, and that's be- partially because social media and the news have learned that negativity sells.</p>
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<p>So, um, you know, that, that's maybe a downside of freedom and capitalism that, you know, everyone's trying to make the next buck, and the next buck preys on our attention and our negativity. But, you know- Michael, we've had these conversations. I believe that 99.9% of people in this world are good people. We have good intentions.</p>
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<p>Mm-hmm. We're really trying to help our fellow neighbors, um, build what they want, be what they want, um, be s- li- live our lives, go about our days, et cetera. And of course, there's, you know, the negativity. Of course, there's gonna be the shootings. There's gonna be the, uh, the arguments. There's gonna be the strife.</p>
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<p>But I think that we're-- people's minds are being trained to believe that the world is all bad right now. Mm-hmm. And because of that, we go into these negative spins. Because of that, we lose hope. I think hope is probably the most important thing we can have in life, uh, to believe and to have h- hope, and a lot of people are losing hope right now 'cause they're not really seeing anything positive.</p>
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<p>So if I could, you know, change... If I wanted to see something more in America, it would be more positivity and more, more promoting all the good, which is, Michael, what you're doing with this podcast that you're creating. You're highlighting all the good in all parts of America and all the good people. Like, you are, uh, you embody this, Michael, but, uh, I think right now, um, we've arrived at a point where the highlight reel is not something I would call a highlight.</p>
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<p>Absolutely. I-- You know, they have, um, the engineers have figured us out, like, what- ... you know, what our biology is, right? Our biology is- Yeah ... to stay alive, and so we're gonna, we're, we're gonna focus in on the things that seem fearful, you know, to put us on alert. And so when the scary us versus them stuff gets sent to our scroll or it's, it's sort of 24/7, 365, it's natural that we're gonna be on edge and believe, like, we're so far apart.</p>
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<p>Uh, for the, for the listeners, what I do before, like, someone like a Brian comes on, I ask every guest, like, "On a scale of one to 10, how divided do you think we are?" And right now, with all the different people I've reached out to, the average is, like, more like a five or a six. It's not... You know, there, there's a couple people who have said nine out of 10 or 10 out of 10.</p>
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<p>But for the, the most common response is that, "Yeah, about, we're about halfway, uh, six out of 10." Hmm. Which tells me, g- going back to your point, that 99.9% of the people out there are good, that w- we intellectually we know that we have so much in common, that we... Uh, and but we are going up against a system that wants to divide us for profit.</p>
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<p>And w- so we know it We, we, we, we know that we're generally good even though we might have different lived experiences and different perspectives. So seeing that response also gives me some hope that we can take action and make, make connections. So, uh, but I do- Yeah, but- Yeah, go for </p>
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<p>it ... Michael, you know, at our core we're all just, like, five-year-olds trying to be loved.</p>
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<p>You know? </p>
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<p>Yes, </p>
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<p>yes, yes. Yes. Um, you know, and though somehow between the age of, like, 5 and 25 or 30 we built, we build and put on all this armor- Mm-hmm ... 'cause we think that that's how we can, uh, attract love from the world, and that creates this false self, um, that leads us to take alliances and take sides.</p>
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<p>And if... I just wish we could all take off that armor and realize we're all just these five-year-olds trying to have fun and play and love and live. Figure it out. You know? Yeah, we just wanna, </p>
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<p>like, we just wanna play in the mud and finger paint and have, like, graham crackers and chocolate milk. I think if, uh, if...</p>
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<p>Actually, that might be a good idea if the whole country could just take a little bit of a kindergarten nap and chocolate milk and graham cracker break every day. I think we would be happier. I, I don't know, man. I don't know. The </p>
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<p>naps would, uh, for- surely help. I think that- And, you know, one thing I talk about, one thing I talk about with my clients all the time, Michael, is, like, everyone thinks it's just, like, what's the next mountain I need to climb to be a someone or be aligned?</p>
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<p>And it's like, well, what if it's just a playground? </p>
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<p>Yeah. </p>
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<p>What, what if it's not a mountain? What if it's just like go to the swings now, then y- ... then go to the seesaw, then, uh, you know? </p>
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<p>Yeah, and then while you're at it, yeah, just l- lay in the hammock and take a nap. That might actually- That's right ... serve you well.</p>
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<p>So, well, with any birthday we need to have cake, and we also need to blow out the candles, and when we blow out the candles we make a wish. Yeah. So this is a two-part question for you. What kind of cake are you serving for America's 250th birthday? </p>
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<p>Mm. So Michael, when it comes to change, I believe that we all can play our part.</p>
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<p>Uh, and, like, we all have- Mm ... something that is important to us. And I think the... I think there's a lot that needs to change with America, but the two pieces that I- Are feeling very important to me and that I can play a part in. Um, one is just education. Um, and, you know, I think that's related to mental health and self-awareness.</p>
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<p>I think that, um, we're not taught to be happy. We're taught to follow a path, and we're taught to achieve money, power, and success. And especially with the rise of like AI, like everything is changing. Like, like, like the, the, the fu- the future is so uncertain, and I think that if we can instead be taught to figure out who we are and what's important to us and what we can do to feel good about ourselves and love others, that would ma- go a long way in whatever the future holds.</p>
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<p>So education is one for me that I hope to play a big part in in the... as, as the world continues to evolve. And the other one is food. You know, you go to other countries and, you know, my, my girlfriend is gluten-free, dairy-free in America. Okay. In Italy, she can eat all the gluten and all the dairy and her bod- Yeah</p>
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<p>is totally fine. Yeah. So we need to figure out how to get away from all this processed food and get back to organic and, uh, farm to table and all that. So those are the two things that I, I hope we can get back to in America. </p>
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<p>Oh, I, I like it. That, that was actually the question that Morty from Delaware had for you, around like how to show up and what to do.</p>
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<p>And I love the whole education piece. I also love the food piece. You're right. Like you can go, you can go to Italy, for those that haven't been, you can go to Italy and have, um, really a smaller portion size of food than here in America and feel... L- like, it's, it's so delicious, and you just feel better after you eat it, you know, compared to going to, say, Olive Garden.</p>
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<p>Not a sponsor of this podcast- ... so I can call them out. Going to Olive Garden and you feel horrible after the fact. So but w- we are... Sp- so speaking of food though, I wanna get back to birthday cake. So now if your girlfriend is gluten-free, uh, it might be a special birthday cake, so- Right ... and dairy-free, but like what, what kind of cake would you like to serve at the 250th birthday?</p>
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<p>Oh, what </p>
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<p>kind of cake? I think I'm having an ice cream cake, Michael. Um- Oh, okay I think I- Any </p>
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<p>type of ice cream? Like chocolate, vanilla? Is, is it, is it the chocolate vanilla strawberry type? Or w- you know </p>
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<p>Yeah, I could see it being a, a Neapolitan. You know? Yeah. Some chocolate, vanilla, some strawberry. I want some cherries on top.</p>
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<p>I want some chocolate chips out there. Um, I wanna eat it on a hot summer day, and it, you know... I, I want it to be dairy from cows in, in Europe though, so it doesn't upset my stomach, you know? </p>
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<p>Yes. No, I, I, I can go down... I, I can get down with a nice ice cream cake. Other people have also mentioned ice cream cake.</p>
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<p>So I, um, I think that could be a really good choice this summer for us. All right, so we're gonna end it on this note. So I'm talking to... The goal is to talk to two people from each state, plus the District of Columbia, 102 people, and each time I get with someone, like yourself, I give them a chance to ask a question of their fellow citizens.</p>
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<p>So this is a question that you wanna ask the next person I chat with. Ooh. So what question would you like to serve up to them? </p>
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<p>Uh, yeah. So this is one of my favorite questions. What's something you're very proud of about yourself that you never get recognized for? </p>
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<p>Ah. I like that. </p>
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<p>And actually, Michael, before we end this podcast, I wanna hear your answer to that question.</p>
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<p>Oh, wow. That's ... Okay, that's great. Uh, I, I can totally play along with that. What is something that I'm really good at but I don't really get recognized for it? I would say my lis- like, my listening skills. I n- never really get called out. Pe- I think people, like, experience it. My wife will say, like, from time to time, she'll call it out.</p>
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<p>It never gets really called out, but people experience it, and it's almost like it gets taken for granted. But every now and again, I really would love for someone to say, "Oh, that was... Like, thanks for just listening," you know? And so, uh, um, I think, I think it's that. I, like, I, I do have a desire for it to be called out more than it, it generally is.</p>
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<p>Mm. Well, uh, I can tell you, Michael, thank you for listening. And thank you- ... for being present with me. I notice it. </p>
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<p>No. Thank you, Brian. So I'm gonna keep that part of what you just said definitely in this show, so I know we'll put it, uh, in repeat. So any time I feel, like, a thirst for more recognition, um, I will, um, I will definitely play that back.</p>
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<p>But I think that's a great question. I can't wait to ask... I think I'm talking to Michelle next, so Michelle from New Jersey, so she's gonna get that question. </p>
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<p>Awesome. Awesome, Michael. Well, I appreciate that you are doing this project. I think, uh, there's a lot of amazing people in America, and as I said, I think 99% of people are good.</p>
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<p>So the fact that you're, uh, really giving... Part of what makes America great is the people, and the fact that you're giving them a voice is really, really special, and you're one of those amazing people. So thank you, Michael. </p>
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<p>Oh, well, thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Well, thanks for joining me on A Perfectly Imperfect Union, and thanks for the ripple you're putting in, into the world.</p>
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<p>My pleasure. </p>
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<p>Peace.</p>
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<p>I'm not sure about you, but that question Brian has served up for Michelle is a tough one. I know because he asked me to answer it, and I'm not totally crazy with my initial response, and hey, that happens. It is true that I often don't get the credit I think I deserve for being a good listener. I think it's one of the key qualities of my coaching practice.</p>
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<p>So if I could ask Brian for a favor, I would ask for a little bit more time to come up with a different response. But I do love his question because it gets to a big wish that all of us have, to be heard, to be seen, and to be valued. Of course, I think we all know that if we really want to come together, it will take more than just wishing.</p>
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<p>It will take action, and maybe that action starts with a conversation, a conversation that allows us to be fully seen, heard, and appreciated or, I would say, loved, one human to another, even if we don't see the world the same way. I believe that 97% of people are good. There's a like-heartedness in that goodness, and if we lead with our heart, we can be open to different mindedness.</p>
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<p>That's how we can come together and form a more perfectly imperfect union. If today's conversation resonated with you, I hope you'll share it with someone you know. And if either you or someone you know would like to join me for a conversation, please reach out. And until our next episode in our Perfectly Imperfect Union series, let's remember to celebrate our scars as golden symbols of our strength and resilience.</p>
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<p>Happy birthday, America. And Don't forget to have fun storming the castle.</p>
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<p>And if you wish to learn more about creating beautiful ripples and how to prevent a bad moment from turning into a bad day, please visit my website, michaelobrienshift.com and sign up for my newsletter called The Ripple Effect. And join us each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday here at Whole Again and discover how you can heal, grow, and become more resilient and celebrate our scars as golden symbols of strength and resilience.</p>
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<p>Until then, remember, you can always come back to your breath. You've got this and we've got you.</p>