A Perfectly Imperfect Union: Reflecting on America 250 with Anita Rivers

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In the latest episode of A Perfectly Imperfect Union, I stay in The Garden State and connect with Anita Rivers.

She's a lifelong educator and the heart behind Fairleigh Dickinson University's 250 Acts of Kindness movement.

For Anita, America is about honoring the people who laid its foundation, starting with Native Americans and enslaved Africans whose full story the history books still don't tell. During our conversation, we talk about her grandmother, who lived to 104, and what one act of kindness can do.

She's also the host of Talking Points on WFDU, and I had the honor of being on her show a few days ago. You can listen to it here.

And her question for you and our next guest is:

How will you help make kindness a priority instead of an afterthought?

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Hey there, it's Michael. Welcome to Whole Again, the show that's here in support of you creating a meaningful life and the person you're becoming. And I'm excited to share a new series with you that will air this summer as America turns 250 years old, which is still pretty young relative to many other countries across this big blue marble that we all share.

The series is called A Perfectly Imperfect Union. In 2022, I rode my bike across America from Astoria, Oregon to the Lincoln Memorial. My wife drove our RV and she had two co-pilots, Jester and Hope, two springer spaniels And when we did it, America was coming out of the pandemic and we were hurting.

Hurting from things that had happened prior to the pandemic, of course, going through what we all went through. And at that time, and this is something I still believe today, is that we were entering an inflection point. An inflection point for us to hopefully pause, breathe, and reflect on who we wish to become as individuals, as communities, and as a country.

As I pedaled across America, I wanted to share America's beauty with others, her natural beauty and the beauty of her people. And I also wanted to share where we were hurting As America turns 250, I believe Kintsugi, which is something we use as a metaphor here at Whole Again, is a perfect metaphor for where we are as a country.

There's so much beauty to celebrate, and we can also acknowledge that parts of us feel broken or are broken, but we can find a way to come back together, just like Kintsugi teaches us. And when we do, we don't try to erase or cover up where we have scars or blemishes. We highlight them in gold, and we celebrate them as symbols of our strength and resilience.

Kintsugi is called the golden repair, and in essence, we can see beauty in something that's perfectly imperfect. During this series, I plan to speak to at least two people in each state and the District of Columbia, so 102 conversations with real folk, as I like to say. We're gonna let the celebrities and the big influencers have their day somewhere else, but here I wanna reach out and talk to real people and listen to their reflections as they think about America turning 250 years old.

And my hope is, is that you'll tune in to at least one, if not all 102, 'cause my theory going into this is that you'll hear different perspectives. Some may be aligned with yours, others may not. But my hope is that you hear the goodness in your fellow citizens and realize, as Maya Angelou shared with us, "We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike."

We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. I've had the privilege of traveling all over the world and all over this country, and this belief is something that I hold deep inside of me. So yes, I do believe that we are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. So if you're ready to get to know one of your fellow neighbors who is perfectly imperfect like all of us, take a healthy breath in and a slow releasing breath out, and get to know Anita Rivers

Anita, my friend, thanks for joining me here on A Perfectly Imperfect Union. How are you doing today? 

I am doing fantastic, and thank you so much for the invite. 

Yeah, it was a random outreach, as most of these invites to the folks that come on the show, uh, have experience, so I'm so grateful that you accepted that, uh, random outreach.

When I saw your profile and what you're doing, and you can talk obviously a little bit more, put your voice to it, I was like, "I need to reach out to Anita." And for the l- those listening out there, of all the guests I've had on the series so far, Anita and I, from a distance perspective, are the closest.

We're in the same county, uh, so, uh, go Jersey. But, um, I wanna turn it over to you, Anita, to introduce your- allow you to introduce yourself and share a little bit more about what you're working on, and, uh, we'll talk a little bit about what makes New Jersey a great state. 

Well, thank you so much again, and we're so close that I hope that we can meet for coffee.

Yes. I think we'll, we'll do a little coffee klatch and continue this conversation- Yeah ... in real life, as- Yeah ... uh, kids would say. 

So my, my name, again, is Anita Rivers, and, um, I do a lot of different things. I wear a lot of different hats. Uh, but I live in Hackensack, New Jersey. And it's so interesting because, um, as we're talking and celebrating our 250th, uh, I, I live in a home that my grandmother built, and my grandmother lived to be 104.

She moved- Whoa ... to Hackensack in, in the early '20s, if you can imagine. And so, you know, she was a great storyteller, and I'm so thankful that she was because I have learned so much. And, um, you know, she was, she was free in sharing her wisdom, you know? And, and despite all that was going on throughout her life in society, she was hopeful and, and, and she was- Wow

always happy, and she would always greet you with a smile and make you feel good, no, no matter what. And, and so that's the kind of background that I have, have had as an African American woman, um, you know, growing up here in America. And, uh, so I am, you know, very pleased again to be on the show. I, um- Recently earned my EdD.

Wow. And so- Awesome ... you know, I, I really want to mention that because I'm a senior citizen, recently earned my EdD, and so I am truly the quintessential lifelong learner. Uh- Wow, that's so good ... but I've been in education- Brava. Yeah. So that's 

so cool. That's awesome. 

Yeah. I've been in education most of my professional career.

I've had some dips in the corporate arena, uh, but it seems like even in corpor- in the corporate arena, I was teaching and instructing and, and so, you know, I consider it all together to be close to almost five decades educating. So I'm, I'm really pleased and happy about that. 

Very cool. So this great state that we share of New Jersey, uh, a lot of people have their own viewpoint of what it might be, and knowing that we live in a big country, and not everyone's been to every state in the Union, what's something that you really appreciate about the great state of New Jersey?

Well, I have to go back to my grandmother. Uh, and, and of course, uh, you know, that migration from, from the South to the North looking for opportunities was certainly her story. And, uh, she landed an opportunity with, uh, some of the wealthiest families here in Northern New Jersey. Uh, the name Zabriskie might sound very familiar.

Yeah. 

And, and she truly became endeared by the family to a point where she became caretaker of, um, Suzette, who had then married the Quackenbush, mar- married into the Quackenbush family. And in her later years, uh, you know, she had some health issues and, and was, uh, legally blind. And so it was my grandmother who literally took care of her until her last days.

And it's so funny, uh, Michael, because even when, uh, Suzette Quackenbush passed away, my, my grandmother was required to take care of her dog, little Tom. Wow. 

Wow. 

No way. And, and I- That's so funny ... I, I distinctly remember these things, um, you know, growing up. Now, I was part of a military family, and so my family went here and came back, went there and came back.

But it was here in Hackensack, New Jersey, that was kind of our landing ground. 

Yes. 

And, and, and that's where we, you know, we were grounded until our next jaunt to wherever my father was stationed until he retired. And then when he retired, he decided to move to California. Mm. And so, you know, there we were all the way in California, but I maintained a very close relationship with my grandmother to a point where I returned to New Jersey, uh, to complete my senior year at Hackensack High School.

And, uh, and then, uh, you know, kind of went on from there in terms of trying to, I-- find my way as an adult, a young adult, which, you know, really wasn't too easy. But, you know, thank God for a grandmother who prayed for me. Yes. Uh, and, uh, you know, I have become a, a great woman of faith as well, uh, thanks to my, my grandmother.

So when I think of New Jersey I have to think of her. 

Yeah. 

Um, she even, she built her home... Well, let me, let me just take a step back because prior to the home in which I'm living now, um, she built, um, she lived next door. And it was a home that was previously part of the Johnson l- uh, mansion. Uh, if you can imagine it, it was just a part of it that was moved to the location, uh, next door to me.

And, uh, so when she settled in, she opened her home to others who were migrating from the South to the North. So, you know, she became, uh, part of the Green Book in terms of, um, you know, those looking for places to stay, needing a room, needing a meal to eat, because she had a little lunch room on the bottom floor.

So, you know, she was, she was very much invested not only in her community, but in helping her people, you know, get settled in, get acclimated, and to move into different positions. Now, the positions that were available, available for African Americans were primarily domestic work. Uh, but she was able to help open doors for many, many of her, um, her roomers, her community, her extended family, uh, to work with, with families.

Uh, but, uh, you know, it, it, it, it just really... You know, it really becomes a reflection of how when you do good things, you receive good things. 

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. The karma keeps on coming back and it's, you know, maybe circular in, in nature. Uh, a bit of a ripple effect. So you just referenced something. You said a Green Book, and I, I will admit w- I don't know what the Green Book is.

What... Do you know what it is? Well, 

it, it, it was, it was a book that allowed African Americans to navigate Through uncertain climates to find help, to find lodging, to find places to eat. As a matter of fact, um, I mentioned that I, I'm from a military family, and my father, you know, he, he, God bless him, uh, he loved to travel by car.

And so, you know, we traveled through the South, we traveled through the North, we traveled through the Middle States. But I distinctly remember traveling through the South and, and having to rely on the Green Book in terms of where to lodge, where to stop to, to- Yeah ... to lay your head. Um, and, and, uh, you know, I- it brings back a memory of, of, uh, my father saying to us, because it was, it was getting dark, and- Sure

we were driving, and we happened to not be in the Black neighborhood. And so he says, "You know, uh, put your heads down," and me and my brothers in the backseat, "Put your heads down," uh, as we traveled through this area to a place where we could finally lay our heads. And I'll tell you, uh, you know, just a, a, a lifeline for many of us.

Yeah. 

Wow. Uh, thanks for sharing that. Uh, in the, in the series, Anita, I've been asking folks what America means to them. It's a big question, you know, depending on one's perspective. So how would you respond? What does America mean to you? 

It means to me acknowledging those who laid the foundation, beginning with the Native Americans.

Mm-hmm. 

And of course, we, we know the history that it was determined that, uh, it was the African slaves who could endure Harsh weather, harsh conditions, har- harsh treatment. And, and so it means acknowledging the foundation. 

Hmm. And 

had it not been for such a foundation, we would not be here today. And, and so I'm just here to say that we, we need to pay homage, uh, to those who truly, uh, represent, you know, the American history in terms of laying that foundation, because I don't believe the history books ade- adequately, uh, provide our full story.

No. We have, as a nation, I don't believe... And I've seen this in my travels, and as I mentioned when I reached out to you, my cross-country bike trip really sparked this series. And, you know, until we come to fully acknowledge those who helped, uh, build, as you, y- as you say, the foundation, we-- the pain that's there by not acknowledging just continues to get transferred from one generation to the next.

Um, and so that's some of the, the pain I think we carry when we don't fully lean, lean into, into that. 

Michael, it, it, it really goes back to my memories of my grandmother. Because, um, considering all that she endured, she had every opportunity to be bitter. 

Hmm. She 

was, but she was not. Yeah. She was not. In fact, it was from her and through her that I've learned to really focus on kindness.

Yeah. 

And, and, and, you know, that realization didn't really dawn on me. You know, I'm involved with the 250 Acts of Kindness movement that I call it now at, at Fairleigh Dickinson University. But it didn't even dawn on me when I started this effort how, you know, this is like a complete full circle for me.

Um, because every, every, every opportunity that my grandmother shared with me about having-- she, she worked at the, um, Palm Beach, um, tennis club in- Okay ... Florida. And, and, uh, she-- her, her, her task was cleaning the floor with a toothbrush. 

Oh, wow. 

Can you imagine that? And, and- Uh, no. Actually, no. ... and, and, and peeling grapes You know, and, and, and she would tell me about, you know, all that she observed, you know, um, interacting with, you know, the high profiles and, you know, the, the, the ultra-wealthy.

And, and for some reason or another, she must have been carrying the light because even in that capacity, it opened a door for her to venture into another capacity where she took care of the cabanas for, uh, some of the high-profile folks. And, uh, oh boy, the stories of their goings-on and, and, and, and, and, and their, you know, their treatment of her, or...

I, I believe they respected her in private, but in public, you know, I guess it was not acceptable. So but even despite it all, she always spoke favorably of all of them, and even, you know, during the latter, um, end of her life, always spoke favorably about all those who mistreated her, you know? Um, I, I guess I could go on and on, but I say all this to say that kindness is real.

And, and, and, and I believe that kindness is truly an answer to much that we're experiencing today. You know, if, if we could just pause and, and consider what we can do, starting with ourselves, because self-care is so, so, so important. And sometimes we become yes, yes, yes, yes, and we forget about ourselves.

But, you know, when we take care of ourselves, then what can we do for others? And they don't have to look like us. They don't, they, um, they don't have to believe in what we believe. They don't, they don't have to do what we do. But the fact that I'm here talking to you, Michael, suggests that there is a connection.

And then, and the fact that y- we encounter people all throughout our lives, there is a connection somewhere. 

Yes, indeed. Well, speaking of connection, as you might know, I use Kintsugi, the Japanese art form, as a metaphor for this series and actually for my Whole Again podcast. W- i- really acknowledging that, you know, we might have, uh, places where we break, uh, where we chip.

And but, but, but what's possible is that we can come back together and we highlight those former scars in gold, and they become symbols of our strength and resilience. We don't hide from them. We showcase them. We ... It says, like, we've lived through something, and we're, we're now, like, r- reunited. And so we've talked about kindness, but I w- and, and m- and it might be a c- just a continuation of that work.

But is there ... When you look at the country, and certainly we, we certainly feel divided, and one could probably make strong arguments that we are divided in certain areas. I- is there something that you would like to address that can help us reconnect, to heal, and maybe grow a- after that healing in that Kintsugi spirit?

Well, I'd, I'd say, okay, so we acknowledge that there's division. There, there just is. So Once we've, you know, exhausted that energy, let's use our new energy towards coming up with solutions. We're divided. Why are we divided? Do we need to craft a table so that we can all sit down at the table and agree to disagree, but at least we're at the table and we're listening to each other?

And, and truly listening and listening to, to establish that connection or to identify what that connection is, because it's truly there. Uh, and, and so I would dis- just dare say, yes, acknowledge the division. Yes, acknowledge what is wrong. But then it's time to really invest in, okay, so how can we make it right?

You know, and, a- a- and give ourselves some grace in that, because making it right may not be an overnight thing. In fact, it's not going to be an overnight thing. Or it could be. I mean, we don't know. Because it's something that we, we genuinely need to try. 

Yes. I love that. The transformation of the energy of...

Which we certainly have expanded and continue to, continue to dive into, um, of about our division, our, you know, our separation. Like, you know, there's ... The, the news is just filled with like, "Here we're divided, over here we're divided, and this is wrong, and that's wrong," and like... But there's not a lot about like, okay, w- now what?

Okay, so we acknowledge that we're divided, and then using that energy that we have been using to talk about how divided we are and, and turn it into some action, and it won't be perfect. It'll be perfect 

imp- 

We're imperfect. We're imperfect. We, we can't expect perfection. It's just like in the, the, the theme of the podcast.

Yeah. We'll take imperfect action. We'll get things wrong. We'll get some things right. But we hopefully, by the grace of a higher power, we get to wake up tomorrow, and we get to try again and find a way to see each other's stories in our stories and realize that at minimum we're all connected if we're not all just one.

And, um, uh, that's how... Uh, that's ... I, I love, I love that fix. I love that focus that you just served up. Now, I have been asking the person before you If they have a question for the next guest in our series. So in turn, you get to ask a question of the next person I chat with. But I'm going to, I'm gonna take liberty as host here to ask you a question that I have, because we're talking about kindness, and I have a whole thing about rippling kindness, and we've already talked about my T-shirt behind my shoulder and my ripple kindness sh- T-shirt.

So we often hear, like, online or social media about random acts of kindness. So do you believe acts of kindness are random, or do you believe they're intentional? Is it a hybrid? Is it all of it? Um, uh, how, how do you, how do you see it? 

I see it as, as all of it. Let me, let me just share a story. I was, I was talking to some friends the other day, and, and this came up, uh, once again.

I attended New York University. I was, uh, fortunate enough to, to do so, and so thankful as a first-generation college student. But this is for my undergraduate, um, program. And I commuted from my grandmother's home here in Hackensack to, uh, NYU. So I took the subway and so forth- Sure ... and so on. And, and, you know, once, once you cross, cross that bridge or the division between New Jersey and New York, you have to, you have to kind of adopt a different kinda attitude, right?

Yep. Yeah. 

And, and, and, and so you're rushing, rushing, rushing, rushing, rushing. But on this particular day, I was actually heading home, and I had entered the, the subway... I was entering the subway station, and it was steps going down into the subway, and I lost my footing. Now, imagine these steps. I mean, we're talking about hard concrete steps, and folks rushing by, rushing, rushing, rushing, rushing, rushing, rushing.

I lost my footing. And so I knew I was going down, and if I went down, I was going, I was going to be trampled, and, and that was just gonna be the end of it. But don't you know, just as I was about to go down, there was a young man who was coming up, a young, tall African American man, who did a kinda football thing and swung over, and he literally caught me.

Wow. 

He caught me. And I'll tell you, I embraced this young man. I just cried because I knew I was a goner. To this day, I don't know his name. 

Oh. 

But talking about a random act of kindness in New York City. 

Yeah. I'll n- It's possible there. Yes 

I'll never forget that. Never, ever. I pray that he's blessed and he's doing well for that kindness, and I have to believe that he is reaping the good, the blessings that, uh, come from that act of kindness.

So random? Absolutely. Planned? Yes, it can be planned and organized and all of that, as long as it comes from the heart and it's genuine, right? But even, even if, you know, there's, there's some gray parts there, right? Um, just, you know, taking that action really can make a difference. It could be transformational.

It could open up, um, a, a, a revelation that perhaps one would've never considered before. I, uh, participate in the Center for Food Action's, um, uh, lunch assembly gatherings or what have you, and I remember, um, standing behind one of our local politicians. I won't call his name, so I'm, I'm not, I'm not gonna give him credit.

But, um, it was he and his family. His whole family was with him. And it was pretty obvious to me that he was there to hobnob and to network and, you know, to do all of this. But at the end of the day, you know, after going through the line and packing this and packing this, kinda going through, and going back and packing this and pack- I mean, going through and packing and, and, and, and understanding that This act would provide a meal for a young child who would not otherwise have a meal was really transformative.

And he made comment about this. That's the reason why I'm mentioning it. You know, but otherwise, you know, it probably was on his calendar and so it, you know, media and photo ops and all of... But at the end of the day, I'm sure, I am certain that his act of kindness was fully realized and so, uh, you know, I pray that he reaped the blessings in his family as well, so.

Oh, that's great. What a great, great story. Great story. So Anita, what question do you have for the next person I chat with in our series? 

I would like to, uh, move this conversation forward. I believe that kindness can be contagious, and I would like to ask your next guest, uh, about how that person, he or she, whomever it might be, will contribute to this movement to help make kindness a priority- 

Mm

as opposed to just an afterthought. 

Yeah. Yes. Uh, more than a transaction, a way of living. Mm-hmm. 

Yes. 

I love that, Anita. Well, thank you again for joining me here, and the ripple effect that you're putting into the world and really helping us form a more perfectly imperfect union. I just love the story about, you know, your family and your grandmother and just, um, we, uh, will definitely put coffee on the books to meet in real life.

And so, uh, thank you so much for joining me. 

You are so welcome, Michael. And may I say that I love you. 

Ah, I love you too. Ah, so, so that's a good way to end our conversation for now. Peace. 

Thank you. Take care.

I love Anita, all her energy and her kindness movement. Man, I could have talked to her for hours. I know she's got a ton of stories. I just love sitting down with people that have a rich history and know it, and can share all those wonderful stories. Beautiful lessons, of course, in all of them. I'll put a link to her work with FDU so you can see how she's creating a ripple of kindness out there.

And to continue her ripple effect, I still have a few Ripple Kindness T-shirts in my inventory. I don't have every size available in inventory, but reach out to me if you happen to be in the US. Sorry for anyone listening outside the US. Shipping to you with tariffs and all that jazz is super expensive.

But if you're in the US, I'll send you a T-shirt free of charge. Just reach out. And as always, thanks for being here and listening as we reflect on America at year 250. And don't forget to celebrate your scars as golden symbols of your strength and resilience. And don't forget to have fun storming the castle.

And if you wish to learn more about creating beautiful ripples and how to prevent a bad moment from turning into a bad day, please visit my website, michaelobrienshift.com, and sign up for my newsletter called The Ripple Effect. And join us each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday here at Whole Again, and discover how you can heal, grow, and become more resilient, and celebrate our scars as golden symbols of strength and resilience.

Until then, remember, you can always come back to your breath. You've got this, and we've got you.

Key Takeaways