#345 | Growth Mindset Tip #9 – Everyone Hurts: The Pain We Don't See - Whole Again: Mindfulness and Resilience Through Kintsugi Wisdom

Have you ever caught yourself comparing your pain to someone else’s and wondering whose struggles “count” more?

In a world driven by comparison—success, wealth, followers, achievements—it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing suffering too. But pain doesn’t work that way. Whether it’s physical, emotional, relational, or financial, the truth is that everyone carries something unseen. This episode explores how recognizing that truth can shift the way we treat others—and ourselves.

In this episode, you’ll discover:

Why comparing pain is one of the most harmful habits we unconsciously practice
How recognizing that everyone carries unseen struggles can deepen empathy and connection
A simple mindset shift that helps you respond with kindness instead of judgment when others are hurting

Press play now to explore how embracing the truth that “everyone hurts” can help you show up with more compassion, resilience, and grace in your everyday life.

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Hey there, it's Michael. Welcome to Whole again, the show that can help you navigate today's uncertainty with more mindfulness, resilience, and grace. And on most Fridays this year, I'm sharing a weekly tip. I'm sharing all of them on Substack and on LinkedIn, so you can follow me over there to make sure you don't miss one.

These tips are in celebration of the 25th anniversary of my last bad day, which is also known as my near fatal cycling accident that occurred in July of 2001. Since then, I've discovered a lot about how to create a life and a career that's meaningful and fulfilling, one that can send a positive ripple effect.

That can shape the world that we wish to see and create a better tomorrow for not just some of us, but all of us. Hopefully you'll consider many of them to be awesome sauce and you can weave them into your life. That said, I know that some of them will be just a bit outside, as they said in the movie Major League.

So take what may work for you in your success formula and leave the rest behind. And this week I'd like to share number nine with you. This might be a good time to queue up a little REM because number nine is all about the fact that everyone hurts. Over the last 25 years, I've heard people say to me, I've never been through anything like you've been through.

I've also heard, well, my accident wasn't nearly as bad as yours, and my response has always been, when I hear this, everyone hurts. Sometimes it ties back into our metaphor here on whole again of Kintsugi, that we all go through something. Or we're currently going through something or we most likely will go through something.

And the truth is we have so much comparison in this world comparison, or as I like to say, comparison itis, which is the inflammation of comparison, is everywhere we compare what it means to be successful, we can compare looks. Status, the number of followers, how wealthy we are. The list can go on and on and on, and it does, but one thing we don't need to compare, actually.

We don't need to compare any of that stuff either. But definitely one thing we shouldn't compare is who is hurting more. If you met me today, met in person in real life, IRL, as they say, you would probably think, well, this guy looks pretty normal. Doesn't look like anything has ever happened to him. When you start to weave in what I do as far as activity, you would say, man, I like, I can't do some of what he does.

He's fine, but there isn't a day. Since my accident that I don't hurt somewhere in my body. My accident, when that SUV crossed over the center line and was heading right towards me at 40 miles an hour, it lasted a second or two. That was about it. But the ripple effect, at least from a pain perspective, from those.

Few seconds has lasted a lifetime. The reality that I hope we can all recognize is that we have no idea what someone else is carrying. Some scars are pretty public. Many of mine are, but some are private. The emotional and mental scars we don't see, but both ache, both hurt. Their own ways and what we carry may not be due to a horrific accident like I had.

It could be from caring for a sick family member or parenting our parents, or nowadays career and financial stress, regardless if we're later in our career in the middle or just beginning. It could be anxiety in some of the mental battles we fight or afraid relationship or marriage or grieve from what we've lost.

All these situations can lead to us putting more rocks, as I like to say, in our backpacks and that weight, although people may not see it. We can feel that weight and it can impact how we show up in particular situations, especially when we're feeling tired and stressed. But in today's world, we're so quick to judge, even though we know what it feels like to carry the weight of whatever happens to be hurting us.

We just don't think it's possible that someone else can be feeling the same way as we do when we judge others. It's one of the cruelest ways to feel superior instead of judging, we can offer kindness. Kindness isn't weak, it's strong. Or we can offer compassion that isn't soft. Compassion is courageous.

It also builds connection. It creates trust, and it says in a very quiet, but confident way, I see you. It's how we bring all of our pieces together and create our cons. Sugi, it's the Rui. It's the glue that holds all of our pieces together. So before we judge, it's probably good to hit pause and before we react, it's probably helpful to take a breath or two deep, full breaths

instead of assuming we can reflect on what we might not know or what we might not see in someone else. One day, chances are, and I don't want this to happen to you, you'll hurt as well. You'll go through something. So it's important to be kind because karma is, well, it's like a boomerang now, since life is a two way street, and if you're hurting right now, you're still at choice.

We don't have to download our pain onto others, and I think we've all been here when we feel stress or pain, and then we snap at someone else. It's one way we download our pain onto others, but again, we have a choice and it's tough. There's no doubt when we're going through pain, it's so easy to react.

But even in those moments, we have an opportunity to pause, to breathe, to reflect, to practice our mindfulness practice and to be thoughtful about what kind of ripple we wanna put into the world in that very moment. So number nine is, everyone hurts. I think the data says that 90% of us have gone through something or are currently going through something, or will go through something in our lifetimes, meaning that most of us will hurt.

So we can offer each other grace because we know that feeling. That's how we build a more mindful way of approaching life. It also helps us build our resilience all by extending grace to ourselves and to each other. So I hope you appreciated tip number nine. Also, in celebration of my 25th anniversary of my last bad day, I'm giving away free copies of my bestselling book.

My Last Bad Day Shift is something that you can. Actually carry in your pocket. In it, I share a whole bunch of different resources and tips to help you meet your moments in the way you desire so you can create a meaningful life and a meaningful career. If you like a copy, you can find the link in the show notes.

And as always, thank you for listening and being here. If this episode resonated with you and you think one of your friends might benefit from it, I hope you'll share it with them. And until our next episode on Monday, remember to have fun storming the castle. Let's celebrate our scars as golden symbols of our strength and resilience.

And if you wish to learn more about creating beautiful ripples and how to prevent. A bad moment from turning into a bad day. Please visit my website, Michael O'Brien schiff.com and sign up for my newsletter called The Ripple Effect. And join us each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday here at Whole Again, and discover how you can heal, grow.

And become more resilient and celebrate our scars as golden symbols of strength and resilience. Until then, remember, you can always come back to your breath. You've got this and we've got you.